Karenai Hana

2011-09-16T01:48:00.003+08:00

Back to blogging cause I need some distraction but don't want to put this on fb.

Ok, reality check. Up late at 2am, check. Mugging midterm due tmr morning, check. More than half left to write, check. Writer's block, check. Brain switched off, check. Don't give a damn anymore, check.

It's 10 stupid percent. Must I do this? 10 freaking percent. I am NEVER ever doing modules under this prof again. Not if it's the last module I need to graduate. Screw it man, I would just wait one more semester and do anything, ANYTHING else.

Singapore-Amsterdam-Prague Day 1- Thursday and Friday

2011-07-09T12:29:00.002+08:00

Oh my gosh, yesterday was such the longest day of my life, all thanks to that 13 hour flight that joined my Thursday and Friday together. True, I did manage to sleep most of the flight away, but as Shana understands, there was no 'REM sleep'. Not to mention the countless meals I had, the names of which I have not yet figured out because I gained 6 hours in coming here... No doubt I have gotten fatter.

The journey was a bit surreal because of that, though now I distinctly remember being asked, most seriously, at the Amsterdam security check, what on earth I was going to Prague for. That was quite a surprise alright. I guess being a young female has usually meant that I'm not suspected of being anything by innocent. Thus far anyway. Its a bit strange to be an Asian in Europe, because now I'm the odd one out being stared at. So please my friends, try not to stare at ang mohs in Singapore, hot as they may be (got that, Shana?)

Anyway, after the long journey Hanbee and I lost our courage to use public transport and took a cab to the hotel instead. Which, although it cost us a fine sum of SGD36, still feels like it was worth it. Its the tipping I still can't get used to though, 10%, which may be better than 17%, but who knows, perhaps their taxes are included in the price tag already.

We couldn't check in till 12pm, so we went wandering around the vicinity, and found to our surprise that behind the old traditional facades were shopping malls not too different from what we get in Singapore. Even the brands we found were similar- Marks and Spencer, Espirit, Top Shop, Sephora... Not that we did much shopping though, the prices were not very much cheaper. Although the sales discounts may change that. Hanbee and I have made up our minds to go shopping like tourists, even if Shawn may not agree to go. Hahaha (:

Food is still a bit of an issue here... I'm starting to miss rice and dishes and all that. Here its bread and bread and some more bread... Although I must confess Hanbee and I succumbed to the need for rice and ate some for dinner yesterday. It wasn't too bad really, for Chinese food in Europe, and it was about the same price as everything else in the mall anyway. The waiters and waitresses were Chinese, as were the cooks. The waitress was surprised when I spoke to her in Chinese.

How hard life is for these people, to have to leave their homes and come so far to work. But I wonder why Prague? I didn't have a chance to ask yesterday though.

Which makes me rather ashamed of myself. Perhaps it was the jet lag talking, but even today when I have been rested I'm still fighting a battle between excitement and homesickness. Sigh. It's just for 2 weeks, and its a nua holiday at that! Yet I felt so strongly yesterday that all I wanted was to be back in Singapore, and that I shouldn't have left home in the first place.

But comfort came from Hanbee, cause she just doesn't think so much and get her head in a mess like I do. She was, and is good company. Another unexpected source was from the Lord of the Rings- The Fellowship of the Ring. I was reading about Frodo's leaving the Shire, and the many things that Tolkien included in his book about travelling and returning home and the comforts that a traveller may find really struck a chord with me. The most poignant was when Frodo said that one may wander more willingly and cheerfully when one knows that somewhere behind is a safe and comfortable place that will ever remain so, even if one does not return to it.

And yet I know for sure that I will return to that place eventually, whether or not I want to. I have been such a big baby, and to be sure I think I still am.

(The wisdom of Tolkien has also led me to realize that without trials and experience in life, one cannot rise to such heights and create works of art that really move people. Tolkien must have felt all those feelings that his characters had, in order to write what he wrote. That's what separates a legendary writer from a simply good one.)

But the battle against homesickness and all negative thoughts is a winning one, especially after taking in some of the sights yesterday. We watched an open-air performance on the main street yesterday, and I was just filled so strongly with the realization that that was what I had come all the way, 13 hours plus, to Europe for. Only in Europe.

And so with this realization, I will look forward, but not too forward, and backwards, but not too often. And I will rely on my God to continually guard my heart and mind with his peace that surpasses all understanding.

Plus Shawn's joining us today. That means I won't have to shoulder the burden of taking care of transport and meals all by myself. Yay.

Till tonight then.

早くあたしの人生からでて

2011-05-18T23:28:00.003+08:00

またさよならだね。かならず。だから、絶対に振り迎えないは。

Call me faithless, call me gloomy, but I believe it will be so.

でも、それでもいい。もし愛がなかったら、あたしは一人のほうがいいと思ってるよ。今度、本当に二度がない。そして、この甘い夢がぜんぶわすれる。

I swear, I will see it through. For sure. This time for sure!

そう言ってるけど、本当に難しいよ。たとえば、今あたしの体はシンガポールにあるけど、心はアメリカへ行ったよ。早く帰って。あそこに何もないから。結局あたしは自分と話してるだけだ。彼は自分のことだけを考えてるから、実はあたしは特別じゃない。

There's no value in waiting for someone who doesn't think I'm worth the effort. I'm past looking for an explanation or a reason, I just want to move on again.

そう。

毎日日記を書いたら、日本語はきっと上手になる？

2011-05-01T23:28:00.002+08:00

君は時間のむだだと言ったで、あたしもそう思う。し方がないけど、今まで時間がまだあるよ。あたしは時間を捨てたくないけど、やっぱり今日の意味がわからない。何があったら、はっきり言ってよ！バカ。

ちょっと、日記じゃないね。

I DON'T WANT TO STUDY ANYMORE. And I would be slacking if not for the fact that I owe Prawny my notes.

Can't wait for exams to be over. But feel so lost at the same time. O.O Lousy.

Library here I come.

また日曜日

2011-04-17T14:25:00.002+08:00

今日、またあの人の背を見ただけ。どうすればいいの？実は、知ってるよ、あたし。

And if that girl I know should ask my advice, oh I wouldn't hesitate, she needn't ask me twice. Go now! I'd tell her that for sure.

It's all very well to say you fool, it's now or never. But I could be choosing no choices whatsoever.

そして、あの子はあたしです。

2011-04-07T01:04:00.002+08:00

毎日よく思う人へ：

あたしは、いつもいつも、どうしても大切なことを言うことができない。

でも今大丈夫よ。もうきめた。振り向かえないから、

八月が来るとき、あたしは絶対に大丈夫よ。背中を向けて、あるきいて、この甘い夢を忘れます。もう二度のバカになりたくないから。君が行ってもいいよ。行ってはいいです。

出会えてよかった。それだけです。

あたしはいつも「あ、言わないこと、よかったね」と思ういますから、この気持ちをよく覚えます。

A head full of PS (not BS, mind you)

2011-03-22T19:09:00.004+08:00

In fear of being sued for copyright issues, I humbly put forth a reinterpretation of les miz for stressed out folks... Enjoy (:

Everyday, we work for longer hours, we work with longer frowns, the worst is coming

Everyday, I wonder everyday, when will my sanity finally give up on me?

Don't think it about at this time, with all the work ahead of us, we will need our brains to work, for logic will be needed everyday...

Everyday, we'll remember the nights when we could movie marathon...

A head full of work

A life full of stress

I'm getting everything confused!

Oh no, for shame, I do not even know the day

Dear lecturer, won't you stop, will you care?

Okay that's about it for now... inspiration a bit dry. Lol.

WTH

2011-03-20T00:42:00.002+08:00

The kid gloves came out for the nut case. I'll make a good politician after all.

He's one lucky b******. I have killed for less.

GOD HELP ME. Why do I have to deal with this kind of stressed out, domineering, mental nut case when I have SO MUCH FREAKING WORK TO DO???

Bloody waste of my time and effort I say.

Shall not go into the details here. Maybe one day. It'll make a good story, that's for sure! Stay tuned?

Thank God I have prawny and han and nicole on my side!

sore thumb

2011-02-25T15:29:00.001+08:00

My gosh. Nick Jonas' presence really dampens the Les Miserables 25th anniversary. He's got the pitch alright, but nothing, not even his looks, can make up for his vocal inadequacies.

After awhile, he seems to grow on one, seemingly sounding better with repetition.

Until one of his co-stars opens their mouths. To be exact, until Samantha Barks or Katie Hall open their mouths. Especially Barks, when they sing A Heart Full of Love. Her voice is just so powerful next to Jonas. Hall's voice is beautiful too.

Sigh. Let's face it. Nothing can cover the fact that Jonas basically squeaks next to everybody else. Perhaps the reason why he sounds good in Empty Chairs at Empty Tables is because he sings it alone >.>

But cheer up Jonas and fans. Its all relative. If he sticks to what he's good at, probably he'll never embarrass himself on such a scale again.

i need a profile picture

2011-02-23T21:20:00.002+08:00

alright, alright, i'm on facebook.

sigh.

The good thing is, I've already been able to talk to certain people who have remained mostly out of touch recently. The bad thing is, I have a bad feeling about it already.

What I want to know is, how facebook identifies potential 'friends' of mine. The scary thing is, they're mostly... Correct. Even all the way from primary school. O.O When facebook didn't exist. O.O If that's not scary, what is?

Now to sit back and watch everybody else.

week 6

2011-02-17T20:27:00.003+08:00

Project work again.

I don't like project work. I'll be frank. It makes me reliant on strangers- their work ethic, their interest, their skills, their biases, their strengths and their shortcomings. Now if it's with someone I already know, even if only on a shallow level, I can live with it.

But when you're trying to do well, and you have to juggle all these factors as well, and remind yourself not to offend anyone or to be too pushy... It makes me want to give up. Especially when they're senior and seem to think they know better than you. (That takes the biscuit, that does.)

But if our science students will kindly cede the literary bits to us arts students, I guess I'll be satisfied.

That said, project work takes up a lot of time. So thanks, dear Japanese lecturer, for setting up so much project work, and especially making us run to various places during the holidays. So much for wishing us a good holiday. I wonder if you really wished us that, or if you said so knowing full well what you're making us do.

Feeling like such a nasty, irritable and depressed pig. I want to freeze time indefinitely.

But whenever it comes to project work, I'll always remember the project group I had two semesters ago. Some social work module, with 6 fourth years in my group. It was kinda nice to just go along, cause it was only my second semester and I had zilch to offer. I mostly rode on the backs of whatever they did, but somehow most of them actually thought I contributed something to the project.

I just went to download something off the project community for Mom (and am quite surprised it's still there after a whole year). It's a bit depressing to think that I'm the only group member left in NUS. I wonder how they're all doing. And to realize that it won't be long before I'm out of NUS too. I'm not dreading it, but I'm not looking forward to it.

Come to think of it, I haven't looked forward to much lately.

O. I need to find Shooee, Shawn, Elaine and Shana a birthday present each. Would any of you be so kind as to give me a wishlist? Or a hint? A clue?

Virtuoso

2011-01-20T22:07:00.004+08:00

Here to blog a few more interesting stories for the faithful who read my blog (:

1. Something interesting on the way to school Arts yesterday

When I got to the sci fac bus stop it was crowded as usual, when this weird uncle suddenly asked me for directions. He had yellowing teeth, with his front teeth missing, and clothes too old and too small. So I told him I didn't know the place well cause duh I'm not a sci student. Then he suddenly asked me for money to buy food! Which is like the oldest lie in the book to extort money from kind-hearted people.

So of course I didn't fall for it. Then I remembered the story Pastor Kok Fai told us last Sunday about what Wei Jia did for the old lady, but I didn't have time to buy anything from sci canteen...

And then I remembered the rice balls I made that afternoon. For some reason, I had decided to bring 3 instead of 2. One for me, one for Prawny and one for... the uncle?!? Hahaha. So I gave it to him, and he asked what is this? Like three times? I kept telling him it was rice wrapped in seaweed, but he didn't look convinced. :P I hope he ate it though. I hope it got eaten somehow. I hope he didn't just throw it out because he didn't know what it was! But anyway, I did what I had to, so it kinda left me feeling happy. But the uncle didn't look happy. He was downright disappointed. Ah well. Just at that momemt the 95 came so off I went.

Bye uncle. When I told Anni about the story on the way home last night, she was like So what did God say to you? Haha... I don't think I heard anything obvious, it was more of being in the right place at the right time with the right object, and just simply doing the right thing. It's that simple (:

2. Melyvn Tan's debut concert last night

I missed VCF cell last night for this, so I shall be accountable and talk about how it went (:

It was spectacular...! I have not heard such great music in a while (but then I haven't been to a concert in a while so... :P)

And Anni our 迟到大王 was almost late again! And here I was thinking I'd be the late one since I end class at 6, perfectly at rush hour... But Prof Bially Mattern ended lecture early, cause she's still adjusting her timing I guess (last week she totally overestimated her time. Speaking of which she's a great lecturer! But more on that later.) Anni spent like 50 mins on the bus and 10 mins rushing from Promenade mrt to Esplanade. Hahah. So glad she made it! At 7.25 I was just thinking I'd call her, then she called me. Oh and we bumped into Aunty Ai Kian too ^^

Anyway. Last night's repertoire included Schumann, Debussy and Chopin. I think I liked the Chopin best of the three composers. The Debussy was great too, I've always liked Debussy. It sounded a little Chinese, and a little like bird song, especially the first movement of, what was it called, Images? Melvyn Tan's technique is soooo good. When he played all those rich pieces the thought that kept coming to my mind was, that's the piano? The piano can make such music? Exquisite! And no matter how rich the sound was, you could always hear the melody coming right up, be it in the highest range, or the middle, or the bass. The Steinway was so perfect! I could tell it was doing just what the pianist wanted it to do. Splendid. Sigh. I want a Steinway too *drool*... And we clapped so hard he came out and gave three encores.

And the encores. It was the second Mozart he played (he claims he last played it when he was 8, in Victoria Theatre), that was the clincher. It was so simple, but so heavenly when he played it! Mrs Lau gave Fiona and me a theory workbook that has all this funny meanings and sayings on its cover, and it gives the definition of virtuoso as someone who "works wonders with easy-play music".

And after last night, I must say I finally understand what that means. It is so true. To me, what proved Melvyn Tan to be a cut above all the rest, the top 1% rather than the 10%, was that Mozart. So delicately played, but so rich in meaning! I mean, most people can get romantic music to a certain level if they can get the technique, but its different with classical and baroque music.

Melvyn Tan should totally do a concert with classical and baroque repertoire! We have too little professionals of his class playing such works, I miss hearing a really great rendition of such music (I think the last time I heard something so good was when the New York Phil came to do Beethoven, and they did a piano concerto, with...uh, forgot the pianist's name). I think I'd fork out that few hundred dollars I didn't bear to pay for the Berlin Phil.

Sigh. After that Mozart encore piece, I just shot up out of my seat and joined the other people giving him a standing ovation. I don't ever remember doing that before (except standing up during Handel's Messiah, which I think doesn't really count). It was almost full house, on a midweek night, and almost everyone in the stalls was on their feet by the end of the last encore.

Haaaa~ It was really nice. I haven't heard such wonderful music in a long time. Despite the fact that there was a long of sympathetic ringing from the mikes or something... a lot of feedback. I started thinking that even the sound system couldn't help but make its own music too, in the presence of such a compelling pianist! Hahaha. The weird thing was, the lights at the pipe organ flashed on and off a few times during the largo movement of the second Chopin piece O.O Weird.

I guess... It's really the first time in my life that I could just sit and enjoy a concert. All my life of going to concerts, especially as a teenager, I've had to compare and discuss technical bits of the music with my peers, and then keep thinking how I'll never reach that level... And that just took all the fun out of music. But last night, I just sat there and enjoyed it. Thoroughly. Without thinking about anything else.

Maybe that's what they mean by growing up. Another facet of it (: Whoosh. It's not so bad being old after all. Hahaha.

Well, that's it for storytelling. Please be satisfied for now (: But before I go off I just have to say something about Prof Janice Bially Mattern. I really really wish she had come a year earlier and taught her course a year earlier. I'd have found last year's northeast asia module so much easier. But now, because of nea mod, I find her module so easy. Lol. Ok ok. Must not be complacent. Must still be on my toes and study hard! But its so hard when everything is so familiar... NONO. YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IR, JANE. NOTHING. WORK HARD. HARDER THAN LAST SEM!

Whoosh. (: She's just so good at explaining stuff to noobs though, better than last year's Prof W******* (though I have no fear of being lynched because he's no longer at NUS).

On a more general note, I seem to have much less readings for this semester, the pile of papers is only a quarter of what I had last year. But maybe that's because I have three textbooks this sem, as compared to only two last sem? And also because I'm doing a slacker breadth mod that doesn't require much reading :P Although, Living Amidst Outbreaks is taught by an adjunct prof who really knows his stuff. It's getting quite interesting (:

Been alternating between Wicked soundtracks and Sam Tsui covers. The song Dancing Through Life is just so well written, its nice to listen over and over again. And Sam Tsui is so cute. Thought 80% of that is because he's such an engaging and expressive singer (which reminds me of a certain pianist/singer/guitarist in my church. >.> Weird.). Only 20% to his face, Shana, only 20%.

Well, that's a mighty long post, so please be prepared that I may not blog in the next three months. (I've been told that a tactic of being upfront about the worse possible scenarios is what keeps health minsters their jobs in an unexpected world of outbreaks and epidemics, so I'm trying it out now). Taaa~

the time of night when everything is never as it seems

2011-01-18T00:11:00.004+08:00

K. Here to blog because Shana is looking for some way to make me more sociable again.

*It could be worse. It could be constant nagging for a Facebook account she thinks I've promised her. Shhh.*

So here it is, you specifically asked for it.

HI SHANA BYE SHANA.

Whee. Now that's done, I'm off to bed...!

Haha no la liddat she sure kill me... let's see, most likely next Wednesday when I see her at VCF. Lol. As it is, I have a little story to entertain her before bed.

My church cg friend had to rush back to China this morning, and as with all rushed flights, it was at some inhuman hour. 6.20am to be exact. So she came over on Sunday night with her things and slept over.

Me, Mom and Meng Bing all got up at 4am this morning, left the house at 4.30am. I must admit the AYE and ECP looked sooooo tempting to drive on! Literally, it felt like the whole wide expanse of highway belonged to just us (and of course the occasional taxis speeding like mad to get to the airport first.) The highway felt like a highway for once. Was almost kinda wishing that I could drive, except for the fact that I was struggling to keep awake. But I just felt it wouldn't be fair to leave Mom awake alone.

We got to the Budget Terminal at about 5am, and after Meng Bing checked in her luggage we had breakfast. At Tiffany's. No, actually it was at Macs. At 5.30am in the morning. Drinking their horribly diluted and too sweet Milo, and eating up the scrambled eggs from Meng Bing's big breakfast. Hahaha. It was so weird. And you know how foreign workers nap at HDB void decks? Guess who does that at airport terminals? Think of flight delays and snowstorms... yups, our dear ang moh visitors made the kids playground into a napping area. Hahaha. It was quite a surprise to see, but it fits in with how I've been seeing more of them at coffee shops and on heartland buses. So.

When Mom and I got back it was 6.10am. Jason had just got up to go to school. So what does any sane university undergrad do at 6 in the morning? I put on my PJs and went right back to bed. Hahaha. And the next time I woke up it was 10 am. And that was cause it was too hot to sleep anymore.

K I'm sleepy now. This story should be long enough eh Shana?

G'night peeps :D

Mark Zuckerberg, thanks a bunch

2011-01-06T10:30:00.002+08:00

Used to be a time where we all got by without handphones. As shooee, peanut princess and I were out shopping the other day, we were talking about how at that time you just had to be responsible and keep to your promises and agreed meetings. Now you get last minute cancellations through, of all things, sms.

Not that handphones are without their merits of course, I wouldn't walk around without my own today.

But I found out that I'm being left out of VCF meetings because I don't have Facebook. Left completely in the dark about it, even though I have a handphone and three email addresses. And although plenty of friends have Facebook and know, only one of them bothers to update me. Hey, since when did Facebook become compulsory?

So thanks a bunch, Zuckerberg. Not owning a Facebook account started out as an experiment, but somehow I feel even less inclined to get one now. Although I probably will have to, for the sake of keeping up with people (are they really that worth keeping up with?)

But I swear, even if I ever get an account, it will be just to look at other people.

second guessing

2010-12-14T20:30:00.002+08:00

Yesterday morning at 9:13am I received an sms that made me happier than I have ever been in a while. But it also opened a can of worms, which I decided, most consciously, to close. I think I finally understand what it means to be so happy that you're afraid you'll wake up to find its only a dream.

Perhaps not coincidentally, I also had more fun shopping with Mom yesterday, than I have had in a long while.

Thinking over it, I guess I somehow got back to reality. I mean, it doesn't mean anything. Maybe, he's just using me cause he's lonely or bored. Then I'd really be a sucker, wouldn't I?

Sigh.

BUT...! I really really want to believe him this time. I really want to believe its true this time! But how to?

He told me a while back that he dreamt of the quiche I made last Christmas. I made it again today, and looking at it I wonder if I should bring him a small piece on Thursday...

My gosh. I really am such a sucker. Pure idiocy. Glutton for punishment. Blind fool. He has a life out there, can you please go get one too Jane?

Eesh. Seriously, girl.

meh.

2010-12-10T21:50:00.003+08:00

Shana should be in UK now, so she won't be able to see this blog post so soon, although she is the one who's been bugging me over blogging.

I'm so tired today. Tired emotionally. Today was one of those roller coaster days of happy, sad, angry, frustrated, close to tears, relaxed, guilty.

But when I was watching Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader today I could stop thinking about stuff and get off the ride for a while. Frankly I was surprised, impressed even that they included the bit at the end where Aslan tells Lucy that she must find him in her own world, where he goes by another name. Cause that's just Lewis' little bit of evangelism.

Aslan in our world huh. I wish You could really appear in a physical form I could hug and talk directly to, and hear Your comforting voice. I thought I preferred JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, but in times like this I'm quite thankful for Lewis' stories, for the perspectives he gives.

Well I guess I really should start inviting people to the Christmas musical. However it turns out is not up to me eh.

Haish. What kind of person do I want to be anyway? I can't please everyone, that's for sure. So I guess I should do what's right by me. Even if it means getting sarcastic replies from a person I thought I'd just gotten to know better and start liking.

Aiyoh. Headache headache. It's ok Jane, he doesn't understand where you're coming from. Plenty of people have not and will not understand you. Just like all those people didn't understand where Mom was coming from all this time. And I'm sure you'll do that to many other people too.

Like how there are so many things I don't understand either. Like why people would abandon a sinking ship. Maybe that's not so hard to understand, but... It shouldn't be that way. And what am I supposed to do, come in and pick up after them? That's not fair, I have my own fair share of work. I know I'm not obliged to pick up after them, but then, God, how can I watch Your work fall to the ground and not at least try to pick it up????

And how can THEY??? Especially someone I look up to and respect...

No comprehend. I know, it's not MY work per say, but GOD! What's a girl to do?? What's a weak, childish girl like me to do? I'm just so useless and helpless.

When you're upset and hurt, sometimes all you can do is tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus.

Dear Lord Jesus, I have two things tonight. But I can't be putting it up here of course.

時間が一番欲しい

2010-11-24T19:23:00.003+08:00

Two exams tomorrow, and another on Friday.

Struggling over how I should allocate my time now. I've spent a lot of time on ps2238 already, but I'm still not ready. Been neglecting ps2248. Sigh. Thank God my Japanese is up to par though, so I don't have to spend so much time on it.

I'm so tired. So tired of this major already. So many things to get my head around. Can't seem to remember much. Got two B- already for essays.

It doesn't seem to make much sense. Like why do I care. But it's not like there's anything I'd want to do anyway.

Times like this bring up existential questions: what the heck is this major for anyway? There seems to be so much more to life.

I give up trying to get A. Just get me a paying job that I can live on. I don't believe happiness is found in fame or brilliance.

今私はちょっと寂しいです。誰か私と同じ気持ちですか。きっとPrawn-さんも疲れますが、私より上手ですよ。はああ～如何すればいいですか。私の友達は今とても遠いでうす。そして好きな人も遠いです。

だああああああいいい好きよ～～　もっと、もっと、私を愛してよ...

如何すればか。GO BACK TO YOUR STUDYING, THAT'S WHAT.

K. Stop being distracted by useless feelings.

Need a finger restrainer for right index

2010-11-17T11:40:00.002+08:00

This is the second time I'm in the school library on a public holiday. The last time would be the last reading week I had in... April.

It's actually quite pleasant, cause there's only like one third the people who were around yesterday, so I'm allowing my bad to lounge in another chair.

I guess its something about public holidays that people don't want to go to school. I was thinking the same thing yesterday too, but my mom didn't allow me to use her essay as an excuse to stay at home. I don't know if that's just her being astute or if that's a sign from God. In any case, here I am. Holiday or not, home or school, I need to be studying anyway.

But really. Public Administration is just So BORING. And the library study table is too high for laptops actually. My right index finger is dying already.

Haish. Don't know why I dream on about impossible things even when they are clearly impossible. Like actually doing well this sem... and a bunch of stuff.

Grr. I wish this year was over already.

blogging again when I should be studying

2010-11-11T16:43:00.003+08:00

Oral test and last lesson with Kojima sensei was today. Ruixiong (my oral test partner) is really quite sweet. He gave Kojima sensei a box of Royce chocolates. Whoa. I haven't met such a sweet guy in a long while.

Any of you girls interested? Hahaha. But before you start raising your eyebrows, Ms Poon, no I'm really not interested myself.

We were practicing the topic of 好きな人today cause we heard the class before us discussing it. But besides some ideas on what kind of person I'd like him to be, when Ruixiong asked me what I'd like to do if I had a boyfriend, I seriously had no clue. Like it's not as important as it was in the past to have one anymore. Growing up? Moving on? Somehow the idea of having someone to love would be nice, but then I kind of don't want one now.

Not just don't mind not having one, but rather don't want one now. Hmm. I mean the idea of romance is still attractive, but somehow I also realize that practically it wouldn't be completely that way either. Hmm.

Haish. I'll miss Kojima sensei and my TB class. Hopefully I can get into her class next sem in Japanese 2 ^^

Ok, back to the last essay of this sem.

overt procrastination

2010-11-07T20:14:00.003+08:00

Over the course of the long weekend, I've hardly done anything except go to church 4 times, 2 of which I drove myself in Mom's car (praise God both me and the car came back in one piece), and I also did my Japanese homework, but I haven't begun to memorize my speech or think of how to present it. At least I've already practiced for the oral exam because I have a pro and very on partner.

Haish. I can't believe its week 13 already. I shall just state outright here that it's completely impossible for me to finish all my readings. Minus the journals I haven't printed, I have a lovely foot-thick pile of unread readings, plus two whole freaking books (both of which were assigned by the same lecturer. Just wonderful, innit???)

But talking to two people today really cheered me up. Plus they both came to talk to me of their own initiative! I'm sorry for being so spoilt, but it made me really happy :P

Plus, I was really quite touched when many people came up to me today to tell me how much they liked my violin. After all, its not the first time I've played my violin in church, and the last time I did so nobody said anything cause everyone was used to it. Someone even thanked me, saying that it really ministered to her...

I was really surprised! Because all this week I've been feeling really down and tired, and today before worship something happened that got me quite upset too, and as I worship was starting I was still quite affected by it... But was telling God that I didn't want it to be so. And so He proves that He takes care of his own work.

After some more substantial music practice for the musical, I'm actually quite surprised by how well it's turning out. So maybe I'll actually get round to inviting people.

Interlude

2010-11-04T13:39:00.002+08:00

Still got some 10 minutes before my last tutorial with Kojima-sensei begins. Aww... She's such a great teacher, I'll really miss her lessons!

今日のクラスは最後のＴＢのクラスです。残念です。こじま先生はとてもいい先生ですから、ＴＢのクラスはいつもとても楽しいです。勿論ふじい先生とおそど先生もいい先生です。でも、こじま先生はいちばんおもしろいです。

はああ～。来週はたくさんテストがあります。OralやListeningなどがありますから、大変です。

ああっ、もう時間ですね。クラスへいきます。じゃね。

Haish. Last lesson with Kojima sensei. Here goes.

Relearning old lessons

2010-10-27T22:54:00.002+08:00

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding- Proverbs 3:5

I just relearnt this tonight.

I was struggling today whether to go for VCF membership class, cause I had worship pract tmr night and an essay due on friday....

I decided not to go.

But somehow I felt that I should really go. No particular reason. But even though I felt like I should go, I couldn't get rid of a sense of guilt, like, maybe I wasn't allocating my time well?

This afternoon at 1pm I thought, ok God, if I can find a replacement for tmr's worship pract then I'll go for membership class. But I didn't find one.

Then at 5pm today, sitting in Japanese language class, I thought, whatever, I'm too tired to study well tonight anyway. And michelle was encouraging me to go too.

SO I went. And had a pretty good time actually.

And after that I spent some time with Shana on the bus, going home the long way. But it was good to spend time with her. I've missed spending time with her.

As I walked home today I realized that for some reason I didn't feel depressed about my work any more. I thought maybe it was the Shana-effect, you know, after a bus ride of Shana's antics.

(Interestingly I met my parents just coming home downstairs today. Anyway.)

Then I got an answer at 10.03 pm. Sandra said she'd take over for me!

And so as a result I love her a lot. Hahahahha. (Let's bake cookies!)

No, I realized more importantly, that I'd been getting my priorities wrong. It's not quid pro quo with God; God doesn't work by sorting out my life first then I step out in faith, that isn't faith anymore.

It's do what you know is right FIRST, then trust in God and He'll sort things out.

That's why Proverbs 3:6 goes "In all your ways acknowledge Him, AND He will make your paths straight."

See, I got the order wrong. It's acknowledge God first. Then He'll sort things out.

So that's why I was so stressed out this past week. I had gotten my life priorities wrong.

Thanks for sorting me out, God!

And thanks for taking over, Sandra (:

blogging when i should be mugging

2010-10-18T19:17:00.002+08:00

i was recently reminded not to let pol science make me 'cynical'. I was thinking, no way, i wouldn't ever be cynical.

But today when prof jenco was talking about mao, i realized that i was indeed thinking about it in a way she described as 'cynical'.

Now i'm confused. I didn't think that was being cynical, i thought it was just being perceptive.

Somebody define 'cynical' please.

On a bright note, i just got complimented on my cooking! Abeit on something i cooked 10 months ago. Now i feel like baking something (:

Looking for rich patron

2010-10-08T22:06:00.002+08:00

Sigh. Doesn't seem to be any hope of that though.

But on a brighter note, I have been a good girl during the elearning week! I have more or less finished my readings and lectures, and now am working on the essay due next week.

To top it off, I also had time to watch anime and J drama!

Wow, I've really had a great week.

Thanks God :D

Sigh. I shall not be so upset about the berlin phil.

Yups. I am content. ^^~

at home again

2010-10-05T21:52:00.005+08:00

It's e-learning week. There are certain benefits to this, I must admit. First, not having to go to school so early in the day. Second, yesterday's public admin online tutorial was much livelier and fruitful than usual. It's definitely true that being online and not having to look at people face to face makes people less inhibited. But I still have language tutorials. We're the ones who will brave disease, disaster and foreign invasion to master our foreign languages.

Oh yes and jason ng did not turn up for japanese tutorial on Monday because he had a project meeting in Tampines. Hmm. I did expect that we would continue to have Japanese lang classes, one reason being that it's kinda difficult to teach these classes online, but ah, I suppose some people I know act before they think.

Oh well.

Finding it difficult to practice the songs for the musical. They're either emo or a bit (or maybe more than a bit) cheesy (even the composer himself said that). The lyrics, that is. And it's kinda hard to practice with real feeling when the song is making your hairs stand on end. The other one belongs to a genre that isn't my cup of tea, so... And jon was telling me the acting was making him depressed. Well guess what. Playing the music isn't so easy either. I feel noticeably more down as compared to before I practiced it.

Bweah.

I need a sponsor. Just received an email from esplanade that berlin phil is coming to town with sir simon rattle, but the cheapest tix left are $350.

Is there some agency I can complain to? Surely its not fair that esplanade is only doing adverts AFTER most of its tickets are sold out. It was the same with Joshua Bell.

T.T

Sigh. So depressed now. It would be the same if they never came to town, but somehow it feels worse that they're coming and I can't go hear them.

T.T *heartbroken sobbing

I NEED A RICH PATRON!!!!!!!!

Anyway. A bit worried for a friend. Have been for a while. I guess its inevitable that people talk less when they're far apart, but that's not doing anything to make me feel better.

Because you see, truth is truth because it's the only truth. If it's only one kind of many types of truth,

Then it's not Truth anymore. And we're all in BIG trouble.

Postmodernism is an insidious thing indeed.

Nevermind if you didn't understand that.

I'm just really worried.

Recess week summary

2010-09-24T20:21:00.002+08:00

In order to improve my Japanese faster, I shall take up Fujii sensei's advice and blog on my day in Japanese. This was my blog for yesterday:

今日九月二十三日です。私は今朝七時十五分に起きました。八時に母と母の学校へ行きました。私は九時から十二時まで勉強しました。母はクラスがありました。それから、イタリアのレストランで昼ごはんを食べました。私は手でピザーを食べました。ピザーは八ドルです。ちょっと高いですが、美味しいです。それから一時から三時まで勉強しました。三時半に母と本屋へ行きました。それから、うちへ帰りました。

五時に母と晩ごはんの料理をしました。晩ごはんもピザーです。父とお兄さんと弟さんはピザーが大好きです。母は上手ですから、晩ごはんは昼ごはんより美味しいです。

今午後九時二十一分です。ちょっと疲れてですが、幸せです＾＾。今晩もっと早い寝ます。

Basically I went to my Mom's bible college to eat nice Italian food. Nice pizza. I prefer Mom's nice bread-like pizza crusts, but their tomato base was really gooooood (: This restaurant is basically very good at sauces. Their white fish filet baked in white wine was good too! As was their rosemary chicken drumstick and spaghetti. No I didn't eat all this in one day. Mom bought some back too a few times.

Then we went back home and made pizza again for dinner. Haha. We put satay chicken mixed with Japanese curry in one, tuna mayo and sausages in another, and left over spaghetti sauce on another! Haha. Super fun.

Sigh. Today is Friday and my recess week is drawing to a close. It's been fun. I passed driving on Monday, got a new phone on Tuesday, mugged hard on Wednesday and Thursday, and went out with Jo, Iris and Shana today.

And we found a pet shop that sells cats! At last. But all the cats are super expensive. But they're so pretty. Miao~

And so many gourment shops selling herbs and spices, cheeses, kitchen tools, specialty chocolate! and even wedding cakes. Haha. One of the wedding cakes was really strange >.>

And Jo met one of her primary school classmates! He was working in the pet shop with cats ^^ The bengal cat was so confident and responsive. Not like those fluffy cute ones that pretend to ignore you but actually want you to pet them and pay attention to them. Eesh.

Oh and I finally saw how a dwarf rabbit looks like. The first impression of it certainly doesn't bring the word 'dwarf' to mind. Jo was saying if that's how big a dwarf rabbit is, she wants to know how big a normal one grows to. Quite big I guess. The Holland lop ear one was beautiful in 4 colours, but it was really big. >.>

Oh and before that Iris took us to a ramen shop that sells really good Hakata ramen (: They let you grind your own sesame seeds to put on your food. The shop concept was nice (:

I guess I'm not guilty about going out today, cause I worked hard over the past four days, but yet I wish I had more time to finish everything I want to do.

Boo. Trying to learn tomorrow's songs now. Time to play songs over and over and over and over and over and over again tonight and tomorrow morning on the way to church.

And still struggling over feelings of desire for an iPod touch and feelings of guilt over spending so much money on it. Sigh. HOW??

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand besides

2010-09-20T21:38:00.002+08:00

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah, to the Laaaaaaamb~

Yes, I had three near misses in the circuit. I knew, just knew how close my back right wheel was to the curb. So every single time I was like 'help Lord Jesus!' and schlooop, slipped right pass the curb juuuust barely missing it.

Whew!

I wasn't very nervous last night, cause I realized that pass or fail would be in God's hands, and as it turned out, it was. Got my cg mates to pray for me. Dad and Mom prayed for me too this afternoon before they sent me there, and that helped a lot too! (Cause Daddy pon tang work this morning because his car was being serviced hahahahha~)

During warm up I really felt the test results would be ambiguous, and really dependent on God's will. So while waiting for the tester to arrive (I had 45 mins >.<) I just prayed about everything I could think of, all the people and things I haven't really sat down and talked to God about yet.

The amazing thing was that I just felt so calm during the test. A certain knowledge that I wasn't alone. And I'm sure I wasn't, or I'd have failed my test instead of passing!

I think my tester today was a nice person too. He fined me six points for 'not really slowing down at the hump', and when I went over said hump at 'too fast' a speed he did this bouncing movement. Lol. I was totally thinking 'what are you doing >.>?' (I think he just didn't want to let me to breeze by with zero points.) But besides that on the road it was just soooo smooth. When I went for my warm up there were obstacles galore, but on my test route there weren't any. It was drizzling during my warm up, but the sun was out during my test.

By the time I went down the straight road and back towards the driving school, I was just so happy cause I knew I hadn't screwed up. But I didn't let myself go 'WHOOOOSH' until I had finally parked the car.

Pardon for sin, and a peace that endureth

Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide!

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand besides!

The version of this hymn by Selah has the male soloist really belting out the last word of 'great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me~' and when I first heard it I didn't agree. I thought this song was reflective and so it should end gently.

But after today I know just how he's feeling. The gratefulness, blessedness and joy just burst out in that last 'me', impossible to hold back. The knowledge of how much one is indebted and completely unable to repay.

I think maybe I've grown abit today :P

Au revior, driving school. I don't have to darken your doors again.

JOY TO THE WORLD! XD

Oh yes, while I'm at it I shall blog about the SMU law musical. It wasn't 100% professional, but it was entertaining. I enjoyed it very much. If my church musical can reach the same standard, I think I will be over the moon.

Their music and lyrics writer samuel ng is another talented person who doesn't have professional training. Haish. People like him make me a wee bit depressed. I mean, what's the point of all the grade 8 in piano and violin? I think his musicality is way better than all my classical training. Sometimes talent just can't be replaced. I can't even composed for nuts, so what's the point of grade 8...?

But God intends different things for different people.

Alright, Shana wants to be mentioned, so here's your one paragraph of 'fame'. She was the first person to respond after I mass smsed everyone. Haha. (Happy now?) And she asked how I took to the gory graduation video. I tried to ignore as much as I could of it, and spent the time praying that such things would never happen to those I know.

お金持ちですね～

2010-09-16T15:59:00.003+08:00

今日、午後二時から四時まで日本語のＴＣがあります。ＴＣのクラスメトのダーレンさんはお金持ちです。彼は日本で自分の会社があります。今年、もう三回日本へ行きました。

私もも一度日本へ行きます。:(

But I shall be grounded this year end hols for a number of reasons. Haish.

Mid term recess week is soon! Only five more hours of class stand between me and it.

Oh and not to mention my driving test. I think I may not make it again this time. Ever since I restarted my driving lessons I haven't had the same driving instructor once. I haven't had any of my group's driving instructors either. So much for consistency. They all keep telling me different things.

So folks out there who need to learn driving, go private. It's much cheaper, faster, and less frustrating.

The only bad thing about failing again is that I'm gonna feel really guilty about wasting Dad's money. Maybe I'll fund myself this time? >.<

Argh please God please.

Otherwise I shall be spending my recess week mugging. Need to catch up with public admin readings and get started on my essays. Got 3 essays due Week 11. Certainly don't want to be caught having to do all three at the same time.

Thankfulness song

2010-09-03T23:54:00.003+08:00

SO tired today. I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. Wished I could have just stayed underneath my blanket all day.

It's finally over. Somehow I don't feel the usual sense of relief. Only a general air of depression. Despite the fact that everything about today went better than I feared.

K it's time to pull out the old Veggietales song~

I thank God for this day, for the sun in the sky

For the friends that I have, for the fun that we have shared

For His love that's all around, cause He listens to our prayers

That's why I say thanks, Everyday!

Because a thankful heart

Is a happy heart;

I'm glad for what I have, that's an easy way to start!

For His love that's all around, cause He listens to our prayers.

That's why I say thanks,

Everyday!

Yay. To finally crawl back under my blanket... ^^

皆がジャガIII

2010-08-26T23:47:00.002+08:00

I'd thought in JC that I'd gotten over my problems of meeting new people, but I hadn't.

I thought during my internship that I was better and thus ok at meeting new people, but I wasn't.

I thought at the end of my first year in NUS that I had adapted to meeting new people, but I hadn't.

I thought as I begun to settle down with the second service that I was used to keeping people at an arm's length, but I wasn't.

And I still haven't, and I still am not.

I still find myself wanting to draw people closer, or push people farther away;

Just basically not knowing how far should I hold them off? Is it ok to have this measure of restraint? And is it ok to have this measure of familiarity?

I still am not sure, but one thing's certain:

That I'm more used to the idea of calling people who I may not even greet on the corridors 'friend'.

It feels a bit lonely actually, especially last Friday. Then I realized, quickly enough:

That I don't need to draw them too close. Or to worry about holding them too far off. Because I already have people who understand me.

Therefore let all others come and go as they wish.

Can't believe I'm only just settling this with myself. I guess it was also because I heard Mom sharing with the cg last Saturday about how she's kind of like this too with her friendships. Kind of a 'love you or hate you' attitude. Which I clearly inherited from her. In the past I just thought I was too shy.

So, I hope I'm not so much affected by being alone anymore. It no longer leads to existential/soul searching questions. Hahaha.

Urgh. Sometimes I'm like a teenager even though I'll be an adult in a few months time...

Sigh. Given up on resisting the passage of time, so I shall not scream and wail noooooooo I can't be that ooooold.

Instead, I shall say it calmly. No, I can't be that old. Sigh.

Morning Dew

2010-08-26T12:08:00.002+08:00

Was walking pass the football field near Science fac this morning when I saw something glittering in the grass. Really shiny, and multi-coloured too. Was pondering if I should risk the tall grass to go look at it when I realized that

the whole field was full of it!

So I realized it was just dew. And the whole slope was sparkling with it. Pretty prisms in the morning sunlight :)

Everyone is Bananas?

2010-08-24T22:03:00.005+08:00

Is what someone suggested as an alternative to the potato saying. Hmm. I like potatoes better. Besides, it sounds like everyone is crazy or something.

皆がバナナ。ジャガ sounds cuter :D

Whew. Japanese lang tute was pretty intense. I see why Jason Ng doesn't want to do it all over again. The key is not to be afraid to speak up and make mistakes. The latter of which I'm really bad at. Hahaha. All the better to make me humble.

*No Jason Ng you're not allowed to drop! We're gonna get 5.0 for this module!!!! Then no interviewer will dare ask about ugly mark you got for it last sem.* Lol.

Speaking of making mistakes, part of me wishes to be able to take back my participation in the Christmas musical... If I had known who was writing the songs... but then maybe that's why I didn't get to know, and so don't have a chance to chicken out.

Haish. But still it gives me a chance to get to know certain people better, so I'm not really complaining. Because see, to get to know people better you need to talk to them; to talk to people you need an excuse to be around them and a topic to talk about, and I guess the musical is the perfect excuse?

Although some people I know are definitely not excited about their roles... Something about it aggravating negative feelings in reality... I don't really understand how that happens... but not really in a position to ask or comment so... Guess I'll just be praying for them (:

As for me, though it's hard, it makes me thankful too. Kind of hard to explain... but! That's the way it is. La~ ^^

*Now I feel bad for being happy when they're not...! *

Sometimes there's only so much you can do. Even when you want to do more.

Anyway. I'm bringing Gideon's song to Mrs Lau tomorrow, to figure out all the rich harmonies that elude me thus far.

And tomorrow I'm having lunch with Shana and Jo! Yay. Ample causes for joy.

Everyone is Potatoes

2010-08-22T17:03:00.003+08:00

皆がジャガ。　

And yet potatoes are nice to eat. Guess there's a fine line between ignoring them and eating them.

Am still learning to draw the line. But the problem is sometimes potatoes that have been just passing by start to become more like people, and then I'm too much like a potato towards them.

Solution? Maybe I'll just start wearing a permanent smile. Hahaha. Or train cheek muscles to smile faster. And a one, two, one, two, smile! :P

(Shana dudette, correct my grammar. Is it 'everyone is' or 'everyone are'?)

Those of you who have bugged me to blog should thank Public Admin, because, guess what?

Public Admin is as dry as it sounds. (Yay, hands up all those who guessed right.) And do you know who's to blame? That's right, Woodrow Wilson. Thanks for making PA a political science subfield, and as such, a module requirement for me.

Seriously. And the lecturer is not making it any better. He spent our first lecture saying nothing of consequence.

Bweah. >.<>

Want to watch the Nodame Cantabile DVD I just bought, but I feel I should be studying too. How now brown cow? Maybe I'll just finish my Japanese lang homework and forget PA >.<

Tomorrow's going to be a long day... ChinesePoliticalThought--PublicAdmin--JpnLangTutorial--TheoryLesson. Granted I actually like theory lessons with Yingtong and Mrs Lau but I don't like travelling to her house at 6pm, with lots of things to carry...

I find that, thus far, listening to Japanese hasn't been that difficult for me... I think it's partly due to all the J-pop and J-dramas that I've listened to and watched :) Who says J-dramas are a utter waste of time?

Nodame Cantabile is sitting on my desk calling to me. 'Yoohoo, watch me.' Wait wait, I do my Jpnese hw first

わたしはジャガいもが大好きです～＾＾

2010-07-05T16:04:00.002+08:00

I just kinda like being at home doing stuff. Plus I have a lot of stuff to do. Like learn as much Japanese as I can before term starts, practice for my piano exam, practice for church worship, finish reading the Old Testament notes I got from Dr. Griffith's class and keep up with current affairs. And bake lots of new stuff too! (Chocolate eclairs!!! XD)

So I shall not let people make me feel anti-social and weird just because I don't need to go cavorting and traipsing around Singapore everyday. I guess the sort of things that make me happy are just different. Similarly, I don't need Facebook or Twitter to be entertained. *For example, Why do I need to be connected constantly to so many people? Is it really being connected? Or just going with the flow? So is there any real meaning to that kind of connection?*

I shall also not let people make me feel out of place and awkward just because I do not giggle and chatter like other girls. Like, if you want to go ahead man, I don't mind. Just do expect me to do so when I've only just known you for a few weeks.

Yups. Maybe it's just my period talking, but lately I felt a little abandoned by everyone who's just got other things and other people (their church friends; going on exchange trips together; new university friends; church activities; going overseas with other friends) to be preoccupied with. But on further inspection maybe it was me who did the abandoning first.

And on further reflection I also realized I don't really feel abandoned either. So I shall not allow myself to be led into thinking so.

Plus, I think worrying excessively about such things is just leaving God out of the picture. I mean, He takes care about such stuff too.

Feels like today's blog post is aimed more at someone else rather than myself! Lol. It feels like a weight off my back saying this, but you mean now I have to explain my behaviour? Lol. That's silly.

Can't wait for Elaine to be home! :)

Victoreeeee

2010-06-15T19:33:00.002+08:00

:D Yay I learnt a lot of stuff this weekend. About myself and about God's grace. And so I think I can handle all that stuff below *looks down at previous post* much better.

Hopefully. Yay, God rocks :)

Off I go to church camp. Bye people. Be back on Saturday. Though I'll probably see Shana at Habourfront tmr...?

too flustered to think of a title

2010-06-10T21:24:00.002+08:00

My chains are gone, I've been set free

My God my Savior has ransomed me

Sometimes, like now, I don't feel free. I feel like there's still a heavy burden on me. Like every time I have to play the keyboard for service, I don't want to. Cause I know if I try, I can't get it done the way they want it. If I don't, my own style of playing won't be accepted.

So in the end I'm rejected again right? Through and through. Me, my personality and my music.

*Speaks to self: No no, tis wrong. Such thinking is wrong.

But yet I can't see it any other way.

Somehow ended up on duty this weekend again. I'm tired of playing 2nd keyboard. It makes me all flustered and worked up and worried, but if I play 1st keyboard my style won't be accepted.

If God has set me free, if His mercy has been extended to me, if His grace is sufficient for me,

Why don't I feel it???

angryangryangryangryangryangryangryangry... Bweah.

Haish. I can't even enjoy listening to good music now. Makes me ask myself "can I do that, can I create that effect if required, can I make it sound so good"?

Like the music in itself is most important. Which is utter crap of course.

So what, God can accept the worship of my heart, but mere mortals can't? It all doesn't make sense to me.. RRRRRRRarrrrrrrrrrrgh. *Frown*

SUCKS. Wish I could say goodbye to them all, up and move and start anew all over again... except that the same situation would repeat itself. And then what, move again? In the end, must be something wrong with me right?

Makes me want to blame someone else like, wish I hadn't been in a top school and a top student orchestra cause now everything is about the results.

But I know that's not completely true either...

Bweah.

I have decided!

I'm playing the 1st keys this weekend, AND I'M DOING IT MY WAY. Cause I don't need your merely human approval.

Do you hear the people sing?

2010-06-08T21:21:00.002+08:00

On my own, pretending he's besides me.

All alone, I walk with him till morning.

...

In the rain, the pavement shines like silver

All the lights are misty in the river

In the darkness, the trees are filled with starlight

...

But I know, it's only in my mind

That I'm talking to myself, and not to him...

...

But when the night is over, he's gone! The river's just a river...

I love him, but everyday I'm learning

All my life, I've only been pretending!

Without me, his world will go on turning...

Hooked on this song. It's just so sad. Eponine is such a tragic character. I guess a lot of people like her cause they felt what she felt at some point of life. Even though the person and the attraction is gone, the sadness never really is.

Besides, it's a really beautiful poem that heightens the sense of loneliness using irony in the contrast of reality and the imagined, and, I think, some factors of causation: the logical and the ascribed...

Lol. My lit brain on overdrive after hibernating for half a year.

Clearing my name

2010-06-07T20:28:00.003+08:00

Hmm. I have just allowed through a strange comment that in itself is harmless, but leads me to doubt its sincerity...

No harm letting it through I guess. Even if I may just be allowing this person to do some advertising.

Must blog today so that ms Shana Poon cannot blame me anymore for not being on MSN or for not blogging. Every time I'm on MSN she's not, so I may as well be the one scolding her for never being on. There we go.

My life this past week has been more meaningful since I created and followed (thus far!) my schedule created on Thursday. My biggest targets now are my grade 8 piano exam, picking up Japanese again, and baking lots of new stuff!

Aunty kawai likes the suji cake I made! She said it was great. I'm so happy... yet it might have been better to have made a mistake or two. I always get it first time right, but then never again get it so perfect. Until maybe the fifth time haha. I can't possibly be making 5 1kg cakes until I get it right...

I want to go on an overseas holiday!!!

First there was Australia, but it the dates and air tix didn't work out. Then there was Hong Kong, then I got the message that I wasn't welcome (no offense taken of course, but some doubts over quality of friend's bf). Now Mom has just sent me an email flyer about cheap trips to Japan (for under $1000, but free and easy), but now I got no one to go with me.

*Wallows happily in self-pity*

Anybody...?

Sigh. Not really looking forward to church camp as much as before (note: as much, not that I don't want to go), cause none of my friends are going, Mom says its unlikely that I'll get to access the beach, and guess what? I'm on duty for worship service.

Ahahaha. How did it happen?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Yup, that's how it happened. That's also why I've decided to 冒一次险 and pick up my Japanese language again. I don't really understand how I'm gonna get pass all of that, but I get this feeling I should be doing it, even if I don't want to.

It's a complicated feeling, so let's just keep it simple and not think too deeply about it.

Just do it.

2010-05-23T21:23:00.002+08:00

Orchestra practice is starting this Wednesday. But after today, I just don't feel like doing music anymore. 好像我对音乐没有什么缘分。Really wish I could get out of the July 16th event. Seems like I keep meeting people who just think they're doing me a great favour by telling me how I fall short. I know, I'll keep meeting people like that in whatever I do, wherever I go, but it just seems to cut deeper when it comes to music.

What the heck man. I'm sick and tired of struggling with these people. Makes me think the only real way to enjoy music is the sit back and listen to the masters play it. Not that I mind, it just makes me boil when little undergrads from Yong Siew Toh think their prowess in their viola gives them legitimacy to tell others off when they're not up to the same standard.

I'm a political science student, you idiot. I have a freaking right not to be perfect in my sightreading, without any practice. Just freak off. He's one reason why I don't want to go back to the orchestra anymore. Don't want to see that stupid arrogant face. "I'm going to be really harsh and critical now". Here's MY version of harsh criticism, right back in your stuffed up, pale face.

And for that guy who came and mumbled on about how I'm not supposed to adjust the volume on the synthesizer, I understand you're trying to teach me, but sorry, nothing went in. I just didn't get you Honestly. I'm just so freaking going to do it like I always do. Maybe if you get lucky, I'll actually understand someday.

Deal with it.

*Hah, feel SO much better after being pissed off the whole day*

One day more

2010-05-04T16:49:00.004+08:00

to freedom. A la Les Miserables, like Prawny was saying... It's 5pm and it's time to sing this song!

2239 wasn't that hard after all. But I'm still ambiguous over how I'll do. It was a repeat of whatever was covered in the term essays and tutorials, but seeing as how I didn't do well for my essay and didn't say much during tutorials, I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

2234 is tomorrow... Been super slack with my revision. :P

WORK HARDER WORK HARDER. It's so hard, when it's the last one...

Ooh. My period came again, after almost 2 months of not coming. Life stops when I have exams, right down to my body cycles. Eeesh.

Last weekend just flew by in a hurry. After 2239, of course no mood to study, then on duty for 2 services so that sped time up even more. Hmm. Just to be a little reflective on the past weekend... sometimes when people try hard to seem what they aren't, it just shows through too obviously and makes them... even more unapproachable? That's what I've learnt about myself in church.

But no, there's something more too... That's not completely it... Still trying to vocalize what I've experienced... but still falling short. Oh well. Stay tuned?

Have thought up some stuff I'd like to do during the coming hols!

1. Bake and cook more new stuff

2. Finish knitting Jason's scarf! Oh dear, oh dear. This one has been delayed since November!

3. Pick up my crafts again: earring making and knitting

4. Read through the Old Testament notes! Finished the series of class already still haven't read them yet!

5. Revise Japanese. So that when I take it up next semester, I won't completely drown in confusion. Grammar, vocab, word forms... Go Janey go!

6. Finish up the short story I'm writing.

7. Exercise more often!!!!!

8. Practice PIANO! Scales etc, and read up about Cimarosa-Haydn-Debussy

9. Learn a nice piece for the violin (: So it doesn't completely rot away. Start practicing orchestra part for next concert

10. Go overseas? Visit Elaine (if she'll put up with me hahahaha) or Shanghai World Expo?

That'll happen, let's see... This Saturday. Because first, I'm going SHOPPPING!!! And eating with Shana and Co. :D

:(

2010-04-29T20:27:00.003+08:00

STUDY FAIL.

I'm so dead for PS2239 tomorrow.

I've read most of the readings and all of my notes, but I can't really remember much, except the general concepts. DIE. I'll have no examples to use tomorrow. I can't even remember the finer points of the concepts, just a brief idea of what they are... This module is like trying to learn political science and history simultaneously. At one go.

Should have taken history at least once during secondary school or JC. Fail fail fail. >.<

The marker will have fun writing 'how?' and 'explain' and the like all over my answer script, I'm sure of that. (I'm sure there're at least 20 'how?'s written all over my pathetic B- essay.)

:(((((

Can I just give up now?

AH, GOD. Is pol sc really for me?

Feels like the European studies* mod I took last semester, where I really couldn't remember what was going on between Napoleon and WWI in Europe. Somehow still got past it... Don't know how that happened. Must have been God.

SOS, God. Looking at this pile of undone readings, feels like there's really no point in struggling on.

Whatever. Just do what I can. Just do what I can.

Today's JS2213 exam was a bit of a scare when I first saw the questions. They were so specific. "X term was mentioned by Y lecturer. What is this concept and what does it imply?" Like??? I was going "oh no oh no I don't remember this term....!" cause I didn't take down that word! OH my gosh. My entire answer, 20 marks, is hanging on the correct interpretation of that one word. Crrrrap.

See, therefore there's no point knowing the general stuff and concepts if the question is going to centre on one FREAKING particular word. What to do. Apply l33t skills of inference. Sigh.

On a slightly brighter note, we managed to get a B for the JS project. Which was a relief, cause it was so shallow and biased and naive I thought we were gonna get C or something. JS tutor is a nice person after all. I would have given myself C+/B-.

Back to futile efforts at reading 2239 notes.

*Thanks to that module I know get shivers of dislike whenever I see any thing related to the EU. Talk about mental trauma.

LAST PS ESSAY IS DUE TMR!

2010-04-11T15:09:00.003+08:00

Ok so fine, Shana, you were right. But just because you're right doesn't mean I can't strive to like "improve" right? It's not that easy, you know; wait, not that you'd know really >.<

*Is slightly exasperated. Don't ask with whom. I don't even know. Myself probably*

*Makes a pledge*:

I SHALL ONLY BE INTERESTED IN A GUY WHO CAN PLAY ME TCHAIKOVSKY'S VIOLIN CONCERTO!!!!!

HAHAHAHA! And that's not even a guarantee.

And since that's like 100% unlikely,

I'm safe (:

Today's 2nd svc worship was so loud. My poor ears! Poor, poor abused tired ears. Nursing them with softly played soothing Mozart- Oboe concerto and oboe quartet.

Hmm. I guess if he can play the oboe that'll do too. Pink Mozart.

Lol!

*Disclaimer to say that this whole blog post is just a joke, otherwise Somebody I know is gonna ask a wide-eyed "Are you serious dude?" No, duh.

Singing from the heart

2010-04-07T22:24:00.002+08:00

cause I know my God saved the day, and I know His Word never fails and I know my God made a way for me...

IT'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT!

Hahaha. A bit hyped up after worship pract this evening. Our new worship leader is quite the one for energetic worship... he is an e guitar player after all so I guess it shouldn't be surprising.

I'm so glad I'm with the 2nd svc worship team after all. I feel kinda repentant today, after receiving so much help from the other keyboardist... like I shouldn't be so upset about what's happening in the other service... so it's a good reminder see. And I learnt more about the 2nd keyboard too... I have a drawing on how it's the foundation of the house that is the rest of the music... And that's helped a lot too.

So when I said 'thank you' to her, I guess she didn't and couldn't possibly understand what exactly I meant by it... cause she wouldn't know about the other service see.

But what else can I say beyond 'thank you'? Sometimes words just aren't enough.

SALVATION IS HERE!!!!

Hahaha. And my mood was just inflated by news that someone has met that certain someone who is involved with church music in church!

It's definitely worth praying for! (:

2010-04-06T14:58:00.002+08:00

2nd svc practice is tomorrow. I think I only know 1? Of 5 songs. Practice is tomorrow. I won't have time to really sit down and learn the chords.

What am I doing? What on earth am I doing, really?

I'm not sure if it's just work or growing cynicism carried over from another service I'm running away from but.

I'm not sure I should continue to serve. It's begun to feel more like an obligation, a burden even, than a service to my God.

But we shouldn't call it quits just because we don't feel good right? But is it ok, to have such a heavy and resentful heart during worship?

I don't know. I just want to get out NOW. I want worship to be worship, without any nagging feelings of inadequancy and being lousy, and anyway there're so many people who are good at doing it why do I even have to be there? Why do I have to serve when so many others are doing it and doing it better than me? Somehow I know thinking like that's not right, but so far the 'right' thoughts are only in my head and haven't gotten down into my heart yet.

But seeing as there isn't any way out for me at the moment, guess I'll just have to grin and bear?

But I mean, I can go on with the 2nd svc, but surely God you don't expect me to be superhuman right? How am I supposed to go on with a service that is so discouraging and frustrating and leaves me so bitter? I've tried already, haven't I? Can I just run away now, please?

Please...?

Whee~

2010-04-04T16:08:00.003+08:00

Oh gosh. Super bored super bored SUPER BORED!

As expected, I'm procrastinating the two essays again...

Can't wait for Dad and Mom to come home. I'm tired of eating pasta and pizza over the past three days...

...

Aiyoh even blog also don't know what to say. Is my head that empty?!?! Oh gosh.

zzzzzz

Since it's Good Friday weekend, shall say something about church. Today, and on friday during practice, my playing sucked. And I messed up the order once today, and didn't get the worship leader once. What is wrong with me? Feel so sleepy and *di-ao*. And don't even feel bad about it.

Seriously. If anything should worry you girls out there, it's that last statement. That I'm slacking and unmotivated, and not really caring. Lol.

Hai. What is wrong with me?

Oh yes. Here are my random observations for the weekend. Someone looks good in light colours, like the cream he was wearing today, so I think he should just stop wearing dark blue or emerald green or weird purple. But light colours does not include weird dark blue stripped with evener weirder faded pink. Like, what? What effect are you trying to create? Srsly. But anyway he didn't ask for my fashion advice, so I shall not offer it beyond this blog post.

Heh.

And somebody actually took the effort to say "hey, Jane" today. Like, what? What are you trying to imply by alternating between hot and cold? Since I don't understand, I'll just pretend I haven't noticed.

Hah.

*Somehow I got into a vindictive mood. Off to the piano I go... Whee...

2010-04-03T15:07:00.001+08:00

Deadlines for both essays due on Monday have been extended!

Whoots...

Or rather, this may not be a good thing because it'll delay the start of my revision for finals >.<

nodame cantabile

2010-04-03T12:51:00.004+08:00

came to school without my wallet today >.< which means no money and no matric card, which mean respectively no lunch and no library!

ah well. if I had just used the same bag I used yesterday, I wouldn't be in this situation >.<

I think I can actually buy lunch using my ez link card, but that means I can't get back into the library after that!

fine. lunch shall be postphoned.

everyday,everyday my heart hurts
there are so many, so many sleepless nights
at the first, the first, the first time when we met
Can I return to those days?
I’m so in love with you

*eh. blogger's editing is weird. now I can't get rid of the italics.*

I just found this song, its the first opening song for the anime version of nodame cantabile. sounds like me 2 months ago. ah well. romantic love comes and goes. but it's still a nice song. here's a link for anybody interested. I think it's actually sung by a westerner in japanese. which might be why the english words in the song are actually correct! Hahahaha~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvWunmc5_Sk

if there's one thing I've learnt, is that platonic love is actually stronger than romantic love. so I think I'd rather have more of that than red roses everyday (: so, looking at the song from a different perspective, I have actually returned to the days when we first met, cause at that point of time I wouldn't have given him a second thought.

just that everything is, of course, different. I think there's a phrase for it in german, "unheimlich". familiar yet unfamiliar.

so anyway, I love all you gals out there. Jiayou for this last leg of semester!

Today is a joke?

2010-04-01T08:49:00.002+08:00

Skipping GEK lecture today to work on JS project. Sigh. This whole skipping thing is becoming a habit. If this is what level 2000 modules look like, what will happen to me when I start on level 3000?

>.<

Anyway, on a more interesting note, I have just read the most ironic and perverted statement in my life. That a murderer and road maniac should claim that human rights and democracy will exonerate him from crimes he obviously committed.

If escaping justice is what democracy and human rights mean, then I don't want them. I would be proud to have people call Singapore quasi-democratic, authoritarian, dictatorship, little North Korea.

If nothing is done about his crimes, then it shows poorly on the Romanian government and not on Singapore. I hope this doesn't become an election issue though, because as much as I hate to say it, there's really nothing Singapore can do anymore.

2010-03-30T14:23:00.001+08:00

In Christ alone I place my trust, and find my glory in the power of the Cross. In every victory, let it be said of me- my source of strength, my source of hope,

Is Christ alone.

Take my hand, Precious Lord

2010-03-28T23:28:00.004+08:00

Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, help me stand. I am tired, I am weak, I am worn. Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light. Take my hand, Precious Lord, and lead me home.

When my way grows drear, Precious Lord, linger near; when my life is almost gone. Hear my cry, hear my call, take my hand lest I fall. Take my hand, Precious Lord, and lead me home.

Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me one, let me stand. I am tired, I am weak, I am lone. Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light. Take my hand, Precious Lord, oh lead me home.

shushing one minute on MSN because i have been ordered to

2010-03-24T22:22:00.003+08:00

Blogging on the spur of the moment, because I have reason to rejoice :) And thank God for.

First, for friends like Shana, whom I can straight-talk with and sort out my emotions and burdens. Who on one hand seems self-absorbed yet has always proven herself to be sensitive and caring.

Second, for giving our JS project a new direction. After months of descriptive and pointless (but undoubtedly essential) information, now we know how to use it.

This from a tired, frustrated and stressed pair of girls. Is that God, or what?

(:

Today is the day, you have made, I will rejoice and be glad in it~

I know, the song's about being thankful for each day that God makes, without any other particular reason, so it doesn' t really apply... let's try another song.

Can't think of it. But even in psalms King David agrees that God's mercies are new every morning, new every morning, great is Thy faithfulness~

La~ ^^

Paradox of having lots of assignments

2010-03-21T20:46:00.003+08:00

Haiyoh. Can't see how I'm gonna live out the rest of the next two weeks... Probably by not sleeping. And by praying. Very hard!

The Low Down on Due Dates

Monday (aka tmr): PS2234 Think Piece 3
Tuesday: JS Facilitation report
Wednesday: PS2239 Class Presentation
Thursday: Breathe, breathe!
Friday: PS2249 Essay

Monday: GEK1012 Project
Tuesday: Whew...
Wednesday: Take a deep breath...
Thursday: GEK1012 Project Presentation; JS Final Paper
Friday: Dies of lack of sleep

Monday: PS2239 Essay

And then faint and sleep for three days straight, before getting up to mug for finals.

Hahahahha~ I amuse myself sometimes.

OH my God. I don't know HOW I'm going to get past the next two weeks.

Please give me strength...!

Elaine has told me, most interestingly, that a certain (in)famous musician is arranging church music! That's kinda pretty cool :) Church music needs nice orchestral arrangements. Plus it's always cool when a person realizes that they need God.

Worth a prayer. Janey will say one tonight.

Feel overwhelmed by paralysis. So it all piles up. Assignment begets assignment...

Oh yes. Just for the sake of blogging. Recently, I've been feeling that "only the deepest love shall induce me to marriage", to quote Jane Austen.

Marriage is overrated. 100%. Elizabeth Bennett got it right first time.

Shout out to God

2010-03-16T21:23:00.004+08:00

In the midst of a busy life, I have reason to Thank God! So here it is.

Tutorial facilitation went better than I expected, so THANKS GOD!

GPS (Governance and Politics in Singapore) essay marks were better than expected too! THANKS GOD!

Anime event on Sunday also went pretty well, so, well, Thanks again God.

Somehow words don't seem enough. Just like on Sunday when I felt so helpless, I could only keep repeating in my head, help God help! Didn't even know what kind of help to ask for... just. Help!

It reminds me of the time I was baptised; I told God I wouldn't mind having to struggle if it meant I'd be forced closer to Him... and I guess I was taken at my word! But whether or not I had made that commitment, life would be difficult anyway. Best to see it the correct way.

Some arts (read: political science) professors say there's no absolute truth in this world. I can only feel sorry for them and say "absolutely not."

Seeing in black and white

2010-02-23T22:54:00.003+08:00

My days are getting waaaay too long.

JS tutorial was today? Sitting in front of the panel of year 3 judges was today? Omgosh, I thought it was yesterday.

Today is... Tuesday right? Great, means its Wednesday tomorrow.

Sigh. But, I can't complain about practice today, it's something I really enjoy.

I need a white dressy-costumy-dress for March 14. Mommy says she'll talk to Aunty Linda for some ideas and make me something :)

Cosplay event. My quartet will be playing. Come one, come all!~ >.<

Tomorrow is Wednesday.

Oh gosh. Hate the thought. My essay is due tomorrow. Somehow a 500 word essay is harder to write than a 2000 word one. Even worse are 1500 word essays. Neither here nor there.

I hate the feeling of being helpless. Can't do anything; can't not do anything. Something's got to give: me, or him.

Whatever happens, God's got is all covered God, has got it all covered.

Everything that I have to live without: both the good and the bad.

Mini, the Thai girl in my comparative pol sc tute, just reminded me today: in Singapore, we've got everything we could want. Maybe that's why politics doesn't matter so much to us, we're not fighting for our lives and our rights.

Freedom of speech? What's that in material terms? Why would I fight for something I already have?

Prawny was super cute today, talking about our faith in class today. How often do you get a chance to talk about your faith in class? Even if it is used (sometimes incorrectly) as part of a political discussion. Prof Ferrara was all "you know too much about this stuff. You sound very suspicious to me..." Lol. Well done, Shawn.

Haish. JS tute huh. I guess, it could have been worse. And besides, it was good after all, even one of the criticisms that the panel of judges gave to us was applicable to the judges' project too, so I guess you could say it was fruitful all round.

I still feel very... insecure and... wishy-washy-ish about this though. Omgosh, I'm so not a pop culture person. Why am I doing this?!?!?

Haish. Tomorrow is Wednesday, huh.

I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight.

Or rather, some work done tonight.

*karaoke mood*

The only one whose got enough of me to break my heart. The song in the car I keep singing don't know why I do~

Oh my pretty pretty boy I love you, like I never loved no one before you~

:P

FDP week 6

2010-02-22T16:27:00.002+08:00

Sitting in R Wong's lecture again, feeling too relaxed to really listen, and too happy to skip class. One essay and one presentation down. Time to recharge before tomorrow's presentation (read: seeing how many holes can be picked in our project) and tutorial.

The lecture theatre is much emptier than at the start of the semester...

R Wong is showing us stuff from Thirteen Days... Guess I should dig up my copy at home and watch it for once. ^^

ROAR :O:O:O >(>(>(*

*Shawn-speak that means she agrees.

Oh here's another excuse to watch a movie: The Fog of War

Its 5.36, and it looks like lecture is over early today! ^^

Mezurashii~

2010-02-16T22:27:00.003+08:00

This is unusual. I'm online, and besides one friend I can talk to no one else is online.

So unusual I just have to blog about it.

I know Elainey is on an airplane atm, Shooee I think is sick.

But none of my JS project groupmates are on. Not even shana, who's like on almost every hour of the waking day.

This is why sometimes why people say you can look for them anytime you need them, take it with a pinch of salt. There'll be days when they can't.

This is also why I'm not often on MSN. Seems like a major distraction from the many things people have to do.

My love is strong, but not strong enough.
I'll give you all I have, but it'll not matter much
So instead of promises, I'll just be honest
'Cause I won't always be around
And I know my love will let you down

I know, I must have let down some of the people I love best, time and again.

And only One Person can be depended on, any time, any day, anywhere.

All the Time in the World

2010-02-16T17:57:00.003+08:00

It's like I got nothing to do but think about you
I've got all the time in the world

K. Here to update.

There was reunion dinner at clarke quay, where we saw the crazy reverse bungee thingie, and I was served foie gras for the first time, and I refused to eat it.

There was karaoke on the 12th, where, thank God, everyone got on very well despite them mostly being strangers >.> Due to some oversight of mine.

There was playing for service on the 14th when I spent 2 hours poring over the songsheets and still thought I sucked but people came to tell me I did well.

I know some people say, that opposites attract
If that's the truth then we, we belong together forever

Hmm. Then there was mengbing and peili who came over on the 14th as well and we spent the entire afternoon making hundreds of jiao zi.

There were yesterday's visitors, the Burmese students and pastors who sang the chinese songs so heartily I felt so inspired by them :) As well as the chinese nursing students who learnt how to play Uno at last.

Hmm. There was the night (Friday too) I spent watching the 2008 Europe Special of Nodame Cantabile until 3.30 in the morning. For a record four hours straight.

What else. Many other things, I suppose. Many things worth be thankful for. So that's why I'm not too upset over being ignored by someone. Again. Talk about glutton for punishment right? Haha, yup, I guess that's me. Also because I decided I wouldn't cry for him again. Surprisingly, it's holding up pretty well.

And most importantly because I'm entrusting my heart to God. We have an agreement.

Yup, that's a lot to be thankful for. ^^

If you look at my heart, you'll know from the start
That it's all I can do not to think about you

Somehow hooked on Jump5. But All I Can Do is quite a catchy song, you know? It's an ironic blog title though, because recently I've felt everything BUT all the time in the world. Lol.

You Know (an excerpt)
...
I'll risk one las ttime
To incur your ire
And make it well beyond any doubtful orange
Or figment of imagination
Or illusory mirage
Or distasteful nightmare
Or April Fool's joke

Because
I really love you,
(Now) you know.

Ode to a PS tutor

2010-02-04T20:32:00.003+08:00

Here's a tribute to Farah Cheah, my ps tutor for last semester's PS1101E.

Her secret patented method for getting a hold of journal articles LEGALLY mind you, just much more easily than using the search engines provided,

Works.

Thank you Farah!

There's a lot more I'd like to say, only it'd sound like stuff I've already said before. So I guess I'm keeping it in this time.

Kuri-suma-su Omedetou!

2009-12-28T11:22:00.003+08:00

Merry merry Christmas~

Hatsune Miku is going round in my head. Hahahaha. And here I thought it was only for guys.

Lalalala, lala-lala, pupupupu, puu~ Miku miku mi-ku miku miku...

*Yawn*. Haven't recovered from last week yet >.< And there's Thanksgiving this thursday...

I remember a time when 2010 and turning 20 seemed so far away it couldn't ever possibly come. Yet 'tis knocking on my door.

Darn. *Yawn*

Everybody, what do you say to a BBQ on the 9th/10th of Jan? If you like the idea, tell me so I can persuade my lazy butt off my chair and do something about it.

Still, learnt something important this Christmas. About what I hope my music will bring to the people around me. And about different people too.

Merry, merry Christmas!

2009-12-21T20:11:00.002+08:00

Been plagued by a recurring unhappy dream. Kind of like everybody's dream except my own come true.

Oh God, I don't understand, and I'm running out of patience and hope.

Actually it's only appeared once at night, but several times during the day. That's the worse bit, when you can't wake up and think, it's ok, it was just a nightmare.

It's interesting, still. Allow me to analyse the status quo. I am running to a computer to relieve my feelings publicly/privately depending on how many people read and actually take note. If this had been before the computer and internet age, would I have more or less people to tell? Ah, now that is really interesting.

Oh what am I saying? >.<

it's ok, it's just a nightmare.

it's ok!

please! oh please.

Have I ever told you?

2009-12-21T00:26:00.002+08:00

I hate you.
Have I ever told you?
How much
I hate you.

The way
Your eyes
crinkled into slim Asian slits
in a cheerful and kind
smile
as we pass along the corridor-
I hate them.

The way
Your face
smooth and calm as a lake
after a tempest as you
sit
hard and serious at work-
I hate it.

The way
Your handwriting
neat, cultured, constrained and
more beautiful than I could ever
print
flows easily from your left hand-
I hate it.

The way
Your voice
calming, reassuring and somehow
intoxicating me into dumbness
resounds
ever in my mind long after it is gone-
I detest it.

The way
Your arms
Your laughter
Your eyes
Your deodorant
Your warmth
now long gone from me
envelope
my still paralysed senses and
Refuse to free me

So long after you are
Gone.

The next time
we pass
along the corridor,

Remind me to tell you
How much
I hate you.

Weird right? It came upon me last night when I couldn't sleep.

I hope it feels and sounds topsy-turvy, confused, in self-denial, and even slightly obsessed, because then it would have fulfilled its carthartic purposes.

Cue insane laughter. *Ahahahahahaha~

My days since returning from Korea have felt slightly surreal and crazy. Now, I wonder why.

Maybe it's the a capella performance this tuesday I'm not confident of. Maybe it's the Christmas baking I haven't started. Maybe it's the Christmas letter to Sami that I haven't sent. Maybe, just maybe, it's the hairbrained way I volunteered to play the violin for Christmas service, but still haven't really figured my bit out.

Ahahahahha! Cue more insane laughter.

Interestingly, someone just asked about Dr. Tamaki Saito! My post from 2 years back was finally COMMENTED ON! For real!!!

Lol! I only hope I can find my materials for her. I hope she won't be disappointed.

Fri-day

2009-12-15T22:14:00.002+08:00

'All will be fine'...?

We have a 'turncoat' who abandoned us who is,what do you know, the only tenor in our a capella group.

Maybe I'm too mean, maybe he didn't mean to or want to.

Whatever. I'm counting him out of the picture. Was never very good at his part either.

The most off-putting thing about a guy is unreliability. And chauvinism.

Ahhhhhgh. I shall just remember what Daddy said and just have fun.

Sarks.

Korea was fun. But I'm much too put out to say anything besides the fact that it snowed! Yay. On Dragon Peak. Snowwwww~~~ Miss the cold already.

Bweah. I'm resigned to doing a less-than-satisfactory job already.

Oh dear God, please let 'all will be fine', cause after all, You're the one in charge right?

Alright. Let's plan dinner for Friday!

1. Quiche (Because I have to use up the short crust)
2. Riceballs (Because we have yummy seaweed from Korea)
3. (I want something that feels and sounds healthier...) Salad?? Or maybe just sushi...

Sigh. Quintet practice yesterday, quintet practice today, quintet practice tomorrow, quintet practice day after tomorrow, and

Audition on Friday.

Bweah.

What is this sorrow naught can dispel?

2009-11-28T11:23:00.003+08:00

Must have watched the BBC version of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice at least 5 times in total, with the last three times over the course of the past week.

Colin Firth does a very good Mr Darcy. Stoic and unsmiling, but actually his every thought is written on his face.

I love the language used.

Bweah. Why can't we study something less twisted and garish? Why must lit texts in uni be so strange?

Phase II

2009-11-25T08:55:00.002+08:00

Ok.

The dreaded SSA and EU are over. And I took a nice break yesterday evening and night, not doing any work. After mugging for the past 1 and 1/2 days without stopping.

SO now I must start mugging for PS again.

K.

What a lovely day it is. The sun is shining, the air is nice and fresh. At least on one side of my block it is. The other side's all still and dusty and icky.

And one of my juniors is holding her own recital at the Esplanade! Oh...

K.

AIyoh, I wish I didn't have to stay stuck and coped up at home like this.

And there's JS too, I don't know how to study for it.

Speaking of JS, we got a B- for our term paper )< A B- next to nice phrases and praises like 'exciting and promising start to your years at NUS.' and other bits of stuff. What the freak. Is B- good? Yesterday I was emo-ing over it because I thought it meant 2.5 but then at dinner I realized it meant 3.0 which is not so bad but.

B-. How can you say such stuff next to a B-? Alright, granted, we got a 2/5 for bibliography and citations because, I think, when I sent my stuff to Shana from OpenOffice the formatting must have got screwed up.

Argh so darn difficult to swallow. If only I had insisted on doing the formatting...! >.< Rargh!

Hidoi na, sensei :(:(:(

Sad sad sad. But at least I got B+ for PS and Lit essays. Yay.

Alright, alright. I should stop procrastinating. It's already 9.09am and I woke up at 7.45 to start early, so I should do so before my waking up early becomes in vain...

Cut

2009-11-17T22:49:00.004+08:00

"Last film fest, I gave you my film, the very next day, you cut it away. This year, to spare me the shears,

I'll just send it to Cannes directly."

ROFL. You guys gotta watch Royston Tan's Cut.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JdfPl_TYHo&feature=related This is part 1. You can find the rest easily. Unfortunately in part 2 the nicest song (to me) has been cut.

It got cut too. >.>

"thanks for all the crime you're stopping. How to live without you? There's so much I mustn't know..."

"They said in newsweek, our public is discerning in its viewing, wait long long..."

:D :D :D :D

It's quite interesting that he incorporated a number of love songs too.

LOL. Something good coming from this module after all?

kyo no taiyou

2009-11-12T20:05:00.003+08:00

http://eateranium.livejournal.com/
People, you all just GOT to see Eater's blog and the video of the Korean military.

Go on, you MUST!

LOL!!! OHMYGOSH. I should show this to my PS lecturer. He specialises in Korea.

AHAHAHAH!

Eater, you are my sunshine today :D Muah <3

feline fun and games

2009-11-08T22:42:00.006+08:00

Don't cry, cause nobody's gonna clean up your puddle for you.

Some adaptation from Elaine's blog, and I think I like it.

Also because, I'm tired of moping. After all, nobody's going to see it and pity you either. Well except God, and He knows without you moping and whining anyway. So you may as well put it nicely to Him in a prayer. And feel better after that :)

Exams are coming. I got better things to think of.

......

OH my gosh! Read Shooee's post about the black cat and the dead rat.

Oh my gosh Shooee, you're gonna be adopted soon! It was waiting for approval from you! Evidently it's the attention seeking type, posing for photos and all. This is my favourite pic

SPLAT. Gotcha. How's that?

AHAHAHAHA. OH MY GOSH Kawaii kawaii kawaiiiiiii~! CHO Kawaii!

It's actually got one paw on the rat's head! And that knowing, sideways look... And and, it threw the rat into your room! Ahahahaha.... I'm sorry, that's quite disgusting, but, oh dear, oh dear... *helpless laughter*

You just made my day ^^ I didn't know there were still good ratters around. I thought cats nowadays were, well, good-for-nothings. Maybe it's cause I was followed home by some desperate stray.

Wish I could have kept that stray though. Just like I wish I could have kept some people.

2009-11-02T09:26:00.004+08:00

There's a new definition to the term 'waking nightmare' for me.

It's those nightmares that you fear so much, even though you know as it unfolds that it's only a dream, you still believe it.

When the cold light of morning doesn't comfort like it usually does, but starkly reminds you that what you dreamed could be true.

Strange how it always seems dreams definitely never turn out true, but nightmares certainly will.

Maybe Freud had a point after all, minus all the sexual references. I've never understood how a guy so hung up on sex could gain so much recognition. Maybe we're all just shocked by his obsessions. Shocked enough to know his work, even if we think he's a loony.

He would be the cleverest loony of them all then.

Icarus

2009-11-01T22:44:00.003+08:00

Sigh. Something frustrating has happened. I took down quotes from books for my PS draft without taking down the page numbers. Cause I did it before Farah went through it in tute.

I know it's not an excuse, and that I should have looked for the books earlier, but all the books I need are currently on loan and not about to be returned any time soon.

I'll never make the same mistake again. This I'm sure.

Decided not to fake the page numbers, even though it looks highly incomplete without them. To acknowledge Him in ALL my ways, so that He will make my paths straight.

>.< Grrr. I'm so angry. Somebody doesn't like me, I'm sure.

Aunty kawai told me in church today that I should go find the vegetarian to look at. She says he looks... different. But she didn't say how so. Which is killing me. Because I'm torn between asking her outright and arranging a date with the vegetarian, both of which actions might show too explicitly that I care more than I should and therefore..

It's killing me. I'm dying of curiousity.

Found an outlet in writing a short story. Was going to submit it to the competition, but it's turned out far too long. Guess who the 'prince' is like. Lol. Somehow, even though some part of me screams 'pathetic loser', writing stories, dreaming, and learning how to make chocolate feels much better than simply mooching about.

Even though I know the higher I go, the farther and more likely I am to fall.

What do you do when you're simply attracted to something you just can't forget?

Why, you dream, of course.

My fellow undergrads, Lend me your eyes...

2009-10-28T22:32:00.005+08:00

In order not to have my emo-emo post up as the first all the time, I'm here with another post.

With an argument to put forth, in fact.

I hearby make the claim that a person's major ought to be based on their love of subject, and not their grades. Simply doing well in a subject without enjoying it leads to a meaningless life based on material satisfaction, instead of the higher levels of emotional and spiritual fulfilment.

Neither should it be based on the comments (or sneers) of others, for it is not other people's lives one is living, but one's own. In such a situation, others have no right to impose their say on a person's university major. Neither is it responsible or sensible to listen to such unfounded and often negative remarks, no matter how good their intentions may be. (It must be questioned, indeed, how good their intentions may be, if they crush one's dreams and ambitions so easily into the dust without much thought for one's feelings.)

To justify the above points, I would like to conclude my argument by stating the fact that deep passion and hard work will always lead one to a meaningful and sustainable livelihood. Whereas a life based solely on material satisfaction will not last. Consider the case of lawyers turning into car or insurance agents. Need I say more?

And to the girl out there who writes better than anyone I've ever known, if you love something, it's there in your heart for a reason. Maybe at this point of time, only God knows why.

Genius is defined by the biggest successes, not the most (perceived) catastrophic failures.

The best is yet to be.

2009-10-25T22:23:00.002+08:00

I can't sleep so I'm back here again with my emo-emo. (My gosh, it actually sounds cute.)

Completing the short story based on what happened today helped, in a cathartic manner. Kind of like throwing up mentally, so it can't torture me as much.

I can't let go of the past. I can't let go of the times we talked, laughed, ate, walked home together. I just can't. And it seems impossible that things should have progressed to where they are today.

Me, unable to smile. Him, cold rejection in eyes. When just a few months ago we sat on a park bench and laughed. At so many things. I can't even remember what.

Can I tell him? I desperately need to. That today I can't smile, can't be the same old me, because I miss him too much. So much that every time I see him it hurts and I want to hide somewhere, yet I always want to be with him. That I avoid him because I cannot push the sorrow from my face. Indeed I'm hardly ever able to hide how I feel, and I hate myself for that. Really hate myself for that. It must be that, it must be my fault that today is like today.

I miss you. I need to tell him that, I love you.

So much for vomitting. I'm sorry if it's been really disgusting, but vomit's like that you know. Nothing rosy about it at all. I hope it's at least been entertaining. Since it's all come out, I hope I won't have to bring it up again.

No, I promise. It won't come up again.

The lightning connection

2009-10-24T21:59:00.005+08:00

Ok, I've been asked on a few fronts to update so here it is.

But gee, I don't have anything to say >.> Like I warned one of the fronts, it's gonna be pretty emo. And it's worse this week, considering that my period is coming round and I have a TONNE of work sitting on my head.

(I think the British spelling of this word is just nicer than 'ton'. 'Tonne' seems to imply how its huge and stretches over the mere pronunciation of it all with a drag on the 'ne' part, instead of just 'ton' which is so neat and short and light.)

Here, I've got a new song. It's called the lightning connection.

Have you been wide awake, and have you heard the clock ticking? I've heard it time and again. Is this the sharp sound that keeps us all mugging? The reason might be one and the same. I've heard it too many times recently, oh and I think it could be... We all have to face it, the lightning connection, the heartbroken, the muggers and me~~

How about that then?

Maybe I should find another church. Before I start resorting to desperate measures like sending annoymous love letters. Oh gosh, no. That would be so completely pathetic.

Deflated

2009-10-14T12:31:00.004+08:00

OHHHH my gosh.

Eu debates is finally over!!!

Over over OVER!!!

If you want to know how it was like, it was being shelled by heavy artillery (one girl) and gingerly having to avoid landmines (one guy). And all the time having to avoid snipers (the other two guys.)

I feel like I've been shot to pieces and riddled with bullet holes all over. Despite the fact that we started out with 4 solid tanks I think at the end of the battle only 2 were left standing.

Arghhhhh. >.<

Had gone all wrong, been trampled on and lost and thrown away...

Shana's not allowing me to sing :( I at least want the roses and the note that talks about 'Our Song'.

Funny how a simple incident in church can make me mooch for a whole day and then some.

Funny how 'no' seems so inevitable and yet so unbelieveable.

Even as I walk down this path, I keep looking back over my shoulder in disbelief, regret, even hope? I don't know. I'm still not convinced, but mostly forced to walk down by necessity. What else can I do?

What, indeed?

Sometimes I feel like if I were more perfect all my problems would be solved. Maybe I'm just not attractive enough?

None of those thoughts hold much ground any more actually.

So. I wanna be perfect, But I'm me. There's only so much, that a girl can do. And when I look in the mirror what I see makes sense to me, Perfectly.

Someday, I'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers, and me.

'disembodied voices'

2009-10-04T21:59:00.004+08:00

As Dr. Mobrand called it. 'Me, talking to myself, and my computer.' Lol. The least humorous teachers turn out to be quite interesting really. (I confess I do note down the stuff he says in my notebook, unrelated as they are to the lecture contents. Like something about 'a whole industry that produces paraphenalia for South Korean farmers on protest and strikes'.)

But sometimes the most interesting-appearing are just as interesting. Like Dr. Yamagishi. Her English is very interesting. It's a mix of Japanese and American English. I wonder where she studied.

Daisuke-sensei got her a WIRELESS MIKE for her first lecture with us. And so she roamed happily among us. I must say it's refreshing, and I don't quite mind :) (Darn e-learning, making me miss a lecture with her!)

Oh and Daisuke-sensei's English is interesting too. Sounds American as well. I wonder where he studied too. (Not that we actually call him sensei to his face but, come on, Japanese Studies with a Japanese tutor. How can you not call him, or at least think of him, as sensei? The title just fits, so well that in my mind his name will ever be stuck with that suffix :D)

(Oh and my grammar got corrected by him. I'm ashamed. (Tall, good looking, kind and speaks good English. Some Japanese woman must have got her hands on this rare specimen already.) )

So if H1N1 comes we won't be allowed to slack cause they'll be able to issue us work and stuff. Great. What fun.

Anyway, our band's debut at the Mid Autumn Festival last night was a success.

Me with my violin, and Anni singing the Chinese version of Kaze ni Naru (Xiao shou la da shou by Fish Leong, if I'm not wrong.) Anni, our sweet voiced angel! ^^

My brother's in light blue, Lenard is in dark blue. I hope Lenard's not too mad at me, cause I had thought of a colour coordination, but Mom interfered and... I ended up wearing red so. Sorry Lenny! >.<

Well it was a success outwardly at least. But I have my reasons for feeling a little concerned...

Anyway the English pastor came to tell Mom and I that Kor sang like a rock star! Hahahaha... so funny.

Tomorrow we discuss our SSA project at Shana's home. I hope it will all go well. SSA seems to be the subject where I can't really grasp the tutor's questions.

'You'll hear the music fill the air, I'll put a flower in your hair.'

keeping us stargazing

2009-10-02T19:40:00.002+08:00

My elder brother's birthday was yesterday, so the next birthday will be mine. In January. Next year. When I turn twenty.

OHMYGOSH. TWENTY. I'M GONNA BE THE FIRST TO BE OLD.

HELP!!!!

No no no no no no no no no no no I CANNOT be turning 20 in three month's time! This is impossible. IMPOSSIBLE. YOU HEAR ME????

NO~~~~ I haven't been to Europe yet, I haven't gotten rid of the zits on my face, I haven't lost enough weight yet, I haven't gone on an exchange programme yet, I haven't stayed in a hostel YET! I haven't decided what to major in yet, I haven't made up my mind what career to choose yet, I haven't gotten a music diploma yet, I haven't (and probably won't anyway) step into a pub, I haven't got my driving license yet, haven't recorded a song with my band yet, haven't written any songs, haven't visited FINLAND YET!!!!

I haven't got a boyfriend yet!!!!!!

Yes ok fine, I know it sounds horribly desperate of me to say so, but.. How to say. I feel terribly old already. Ahhh~~ sob sob sob.

And I haven't found anyone to buy the NY Phil ticket and accompany me to watch them on 20th October... But that's not so much the point.

Hai. >.< Well. At least one can get used to it. Yes. That must be what growing up is about. Getting used to the unpleasant bits of life. Accepting that it's what life is about.

Chuuuu~~ Maybe I'm freaking out too early. There's still three months to go after all.

Still. Three months to go.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows? Some day we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me.

rainbow connection

2009-10-01T23:15:00.003+08:00

Finished the PS essay draft!

I slaughtered it from 1342 word to 749. Just within the limits. Whew. But I feel so heartbroken over it. When it got to about 843 it was perfect. Then I had to massacre it.

>.< Chuuuu. The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Yes I know, Jason Mraz is old stuff but he sings well k. Nice music is never out of season :)

Confirmed: Guys are weird.

week 7 lit lecture notes

2009-09-28T16:19:00.003+08:00

It's Lit again! That might explain why I'm blogging again. This is getting to be a habit.

Jonathan-the-medicine-senior went to see the F1 race last night. Grandstand. 500 bucks. And he just spent 200+ on NY Phil tix. Can't believe him. Either he's a super saver or super rich. Hmm...

Can't figure him out anyhow. It's a bit hard to figure people out when you haven't really spoken much to them or met them in person.

Even when you have talked at length and met them in person they're still hard to understand. Guys that is. Girls are simple, with few exceptions. For example, this person didn't reply my sms I sent a week ago, but when I met him yesterday in church he smiled so sweetly I almost got chills. Lol. Uber weird.

Lecturer's going on about blue eyes. Kimi-sama has beautiful blue-gray eyes! And so does finnish boy. Hahaha. Kimi-sama~ But he didn't do well yesterday, or on Sat or Fri. >.< He's a lot more eloquent now. I wonder why.

(Lit Lecture- Is making someone poison a dog considered sexual abuse??? I'm missing something in this text!)

Elaine wants to learn knitting?! Ohhhh... hmm. Whai? I really wonder. But I don't think my mom does knitting, I think what she does is croquetting, but I'll ask :) I tried to learn once, but had no patience to continue. It's quite fun though. At least starting out is.

Aiyoh. I think I'm better off getting study notes online. Our lit lecturers never seem to get to the point, but just quote endlessly from the text.

waku waku chu gyu, waku waku chu gyu!

2009-09-19T18:05:00.005+08:00

Been listening to the Ponyo theme song over and over and over again today, just as a contrast to the very boring acadamic reading I'm supposed to do for EU. I was supposed to do, rather. Bleah. Lousy lousy lousy. I'll NEVER do any modules from this course EVER AGAIN.

But if the readings were all written by John Merriman, I really wouldn't mind. His writing is somehow clear and interesting.

Gah. Got the SSA project to settle this break week. Somehow I think it'll pass really fast.

I somehow feel rather ashamed of myself recently. Like I haven't been behaving and taking things like I should have. Rarh.

Nevermind. From now on it's study, study, study! That's what's most important now.

I like this shoe from Clarks!

But it's from their online catalogue and they don't do overseas sales and I don't think they have it in Singapore :(

There I go again. Naughty girl, looking for another Clarks when I just got one at the start of school. Bleah.

(And it's on discount! >.<>.>

Yay, let's online window shop instead of reading boooring EU ^^

Upside Down

2009-09-13T19:51:00.000+08:00

And Downside Up.

'But kings and queens will have to wait, cause I don't have forever.'

After talking to that medicine senior last week on MSN, I think I have regained some confidence. But I still have some way to go to forget that irritating vegetarian.

Like when I just viewed my own blog just now, some stupid advert with the colour blind test came up. Immediately, I can almost hear him saying, "My mom couldn't believe I couldn't see the number. 'It's there, it's there, what do you mean you can't see it?' But I just can't."

Yes he is flawed in more than one way. Perhaps it's best not to be involved. Is this too bad? I'm starting to record down what he said!

But maybe it's more of a carthartic than negative action. Cause 'I won't get by by by on mere imagination!'
Although 'I've got no clue what I should do.'

Hoping that by the time I get through all this remembering of remembrances, I'll have made room for the next step in life.

Stop being bad

2009-09-07T16:16:00.002+08:00

Lit. Is. Boring.

Sad as I am to say so. But you agree, don't you, Shana?

Yes, yes of course she does. Except of course I'm not letting her use my laptop.

SIGH! Even PS is more interesting. Not to mention my PS lecturer is nicer to look at.

Yes, yes Shana agrees to that too.

SIGH. Maybe I should call Mom and get her to pick me up at 5pm. But that would be bad, to skip half of lecture.

Yes, yes and Shana says it would be bad. To leave her all alone that is.

Shana has a good question. Why are all the lecturers Indian? Opinions, anyone?

Here's my blog post for Saturday:

I'm going crazy over the EU1101E readings for this week. And I like the way Shana put it.

“I swear it's more tangled up than my brother's hair!”

Unfortunately, this time Shana's not exaggerating.

BREAK. I refuse to read any more of it. What with the weirdo book for Lit, and a thicker than usual stack for PS, and the usual slog for JS, I'll be tearing my hair out of my head soon.
I need to put down some points here to remind myself. I just need to put it down somewhere, to type it out, to see it, to read it again.

1) It is not that important, right now.
2) He is clearly not interested in me.
3) I don't want to be interested in him any more.
4) We've gone separate ways.

Like all the others, I'm certain I'll not see him again. Not in church, not in school. Period.

Right. So I just have to forget everything now. Somehow I find myself longing for a “country road” that I can walk down, just to go somewhere without really going anywhere; just to go back to the past, without really going back.

Country road, ashita wa itsumo no boku sa, kaeritai, kaerenai, sayonara. Country road.

Someone recently told me that perhaps I am ready for a relationship. I couldn't disagree more. It just doesn't seem possible. Maybe I'm too used to my dreams not coming true. That now I can't picture anyone to be in that situation with.

Really, from a most disinterested and objective point of view, I can't. It's just too weird. Thank God it's not happening. I would be freaking out. Hahaha.

I couldn't tell her that though, she's such a nice person. But it is freaky, completely out of this world.
I am afraid, yes I admit so. Afraid that my dreams will come true. I don't really know why. But just as an example of how weird my dreams can be,

1) I dreamt I married Finnish boy! Seriously. Wedding dress, flowers, church, guests, cake, EVERYTHING. Totally freaky right?
2) I dreamt a tall, dark, and older stranger swept me away into another dimension, another world, where we were pursued by agents from this world. And I learnt to use the bow and arrow. EVEN more weird.
3) And and, I just dreamt last night, that I was being forced into a whalebone corset for a miai with other weird officer I had never met before! SCARY!
4) The start of all these weird dreams was when I was in Sec 1, and dreamt that my first crush told me he liked me. >.>

Haish. Why DO I have such strange dreams? Though it must be admitted that even at this point, I wouldn't really mind Number 1. And though realistically speaking it's not possible, and definitely not pleasant, I think Number 2 would be really romantic. But Number 3 really was more of a nightmare last night.

Oh yes. And of course, there was the one I'll never forget:

5) I dreamt dinosaurs were cloned, and all and there was this incident.... yada yada, and I wrote it all out for a creative writing competition in Primary 3, and actually won.

Hahahha. I'll so never forget this one. Ahh. Maybe dreams aren't so bad after all, as long as they don't come true. Maybe this applies to my doctor dream as well.

K I'll stop being bad and focus on lecture now.

Stop being bad, Stop being bad.

Jane

2009-08-11T20:37:00.002+08:00

Isaiah 58:11
And the Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your desire with good things...

That's supposed to be the meaning of my name, and I must say my parents couldn't have chosen a better name for me.

Today I must testify again of His goodness.

I'm reminded of God's faithfulness and my unfaithfulness again today.

Even though I was late for the lecture, I didn't get into trouble, cause some lecturers do make trouble.

Even though I didn't really know how to get to the audition venue, I got there somehow.

Even though I was really nervous and screwed up lots, I got through somehow.

Even though I didn't expect to meet anyone I knew, I did. And in fact, I think my stand partner is going to be someone I know very very well...

I'll be so disappointed if it's not Sarah Wong in the end >.<

But I think I've come to understand the meaning of stepping out in faith.

It's not about being confident about the future, sure of yourself, or having plans made, step 1, step 2, 3 and so on.

No. It's just the reverse. It's about not knowing what's coming, not having very fixed plans, and not putting your trust in yourself. But it is also not about hiding in a corner and hoping for it to drop on your lap.

Stepping out. In Faith. Both parts of the phrase hold equal emphasis.

And when you do so, God who is faithful reassures you that He will take care of you on the road He wants you to go down.

And that is exactly what He has done for me today.

Even when I don't take care of my work, he sends people like Shana who take such good care of me I'm so guilty for being lazy! Even when I don't have plans for my future, He puts it in order for me. Even when I don't know anybody at all! He puts friendly new faces like Jie Ying, whom I met today, into my path. I put the audition into His hands today, and it has turned out better than I thought.

So I will also put my future in the orchestra in His hands, even though I don't feel I can take it up as well as I should.

But I'm sure this is what He wants for me; I am sure He will take care of me.

How else would a new friend like Jie Ying be there at 3.30pm, when her audition time is at 5pm?

Well, I've got to put the "stepping out in faith" into practice in many other areas of my life.

The Christmas choir thing, for example. I must must MUST get down to it tonight.

If it couldn't be the verse from Isaiah, it would be Psalms 136:1

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever.

God is so good

2009-08-04T11:42:00.003+08:00

Hallelujah, God is so good, hallelujah, God is so good, He's so good to meeee.

I just suddenly felt like bursting into song, because of His goodness.

Managed to sell my driving lesson slot today, 'cause I'm dizzily incapable of doing much (except maybe blogging haha)

Realized that there are no timetable clashes with my lectures and driving lessons and test! Whoo!

And also managed to grab another slot to replace the one that did clash with a lecture.

It's like seeing light at the end of the tunnel, and remembering that I'm still alive.

Matriculation

2009-07-29T17:51:00.004+08:00

So Weiren was right. I queued for 45 mins, and waited, seated, for 15 mins. It took 2 mins to collect my matric card, and I'm sure my butt only touched the seat for 30seconds to hand in all my forms.

Lol. But to their credit, they cleared 100 people in 15 mins, while I was waiting for my turn; for 413 to increase to 516.

I met Kong Eater there, and then after that I met Pei Zhi! So "The Hobbit" went largely unread.

I see that as an assurance that God will take care of me :)

Signed up for NUSSO after all. What inspired me to do that? Now I'll have to practice again >.<>.< Bleah.

I feeling all reluctant and excited and happy and generally peaceful.

It's always been this peace that's assured me that God will take care of me. I've had it in Nanyang, in ACJC, but not in JJC or RJC. Not that there's something wrong with them, but that I think they weren't right for me.

So I know, it's right for me.

P.S. Can't wait for my lappie!! x)
P.S. 2 Isn't "matriculation" such a horribly technical and depressing term?

Yesterday, a miracle happened.

2009-07-24T11:57:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, a miracle happened.

It started as a small caterpillar. Smaller than a pin, and almost as thin.

It grew up with another companion, who ate humongous amounts of fresh lime leaves, swelled, stretched, and turned from the yellow and black of babyhood to a plump, juicy green. With feelers and all.

While our little Miracle stayed small, and didn't eat much. Sometimes, we even forgot Miracle was there.

In two weeks the fat, huge (it really was the hugest of all the caterpillars we've reared) one turned into a green, satisfied cocoon, and emerged duly, the largest and most beautiful butterfly I'd ever seen.

It was then that I wrote "new everyday" and composed my poem based on this large one.

Then Miracle somehow realized it was being left behind and started to eat. Not much, just enough to start growing.

We plucked a handful of leaves for Miracle, thinking that it had just delayed its development until its companion left.

But no. Miracle ate a few leaves, then turned into a cocoon a few days after green started to appear. It hadn't even lost its black and yellow colouration completely.

Miracle's cocoon failed to stick to the side of the container. It also turned brown immediately (cocoons don't turn brown until after the butterfly emerges.)

We thought Miracle was dead.

But somehow none of us got round to disposing the container.

Then yesterday morning Miracle happened. Miracle is small, and was quite tottery at first, but it flew off from my window just before noon.

It's the large ones like Miracle's friend, Joy, who are encouraging. But it's the little ones like Miracle who are inspiring.

I have a souvenir patch of poop from Miracle on my lovely red batik fan. Gotta get round to washing it off. Yucks.

Bursting dams

2009-07-24T11:22:00.002+08:00

Whooo! Finally got this blogger, or rather, SingNet problem fixed.

For all poor Singaporeans undermined by a lousy ISP, please refer to

http://sporecowboy.blogspot.com/2007/05/solution-for-singnet-problem-on.html

for the solution! (For IE, that is. Firefox, I believe, is Crtrl-F5)

Anyway, here's my blog post for yesterday, 23-7-09

"Gideon Days

I feel like crying, screaming, stamping my feet and slapping some persons right now. ALL at once.

First. Why choose me? I am like, the least capable person of all potential persons.

Second. God is already taking people away from me.

Have you ever heard of such a case? Where the leaders in church tell the sheep, "Thou shalt not serve the Lord thy God"???

Like what the? TOTALLY WHAT THE???

I'm evidently not ALLOWED, yes not ALLOWED to involve the singers from the Chinese Choir. Who do they think they are, God???

I'm SO glad I'm not them. They have SO MUCH to answer to Him.

I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to call those people on the phone RIGHT now and tell them how much they've hurt me, and how much trouble they are in RIGHT now.

Somehow, it's like God, halving Gideon's army.
Well I guess if I can see it that way, it's not so bad. It's ok, even.

Mommy says it's good, in a way. The whole Chinese ministry is one big screwed up mess right now. So I should stay away.

When the water stinks, don't get in."

K that was that. The water can go rot, evaporate, dry up, flow down the drain, I don't care.

This is Tuesday's blog post 21-7-09

"It's three years to the day, and I find myself watching the recording of Nanyang Glitters.

I don't know whether I'm correct or not, but it seems like in the Sarasate it was a budding soloist and a student orchestra. I mean, we had STUDENT Orchestra written all over us.

Sigh. Maybe it's just me. I always look back to the time in NYSE when we weren't playing, aka the not-in-practice times with a fond smile. And until lately I haven't felt the desire to join another orchestra again.

Except maybe now I think it would be nice to join one.

Except, again, I don't know if I'll make it into NUS symphony orchestra. >.<

Audition Requirements:
TWO contrasting pieces
Sight-reading
Scales

Oh crap, I'd better restart my violin lessons soon!!!"

First flight

2009-07-17T22:24:00.004+08:00

Alright I finally did it. Told him that he shouldn't be so thoughtful for no reason.

Guess what? I'm not the only one to have told him that. When I heard that he's having problems of his own, I guess I couldn't help but forgive him.

Yes, I did need to forgive him.

Haish. I feel quite empty now. I would be still angry, because of my forgetting finnish boy, but I guess I'm glad I'm not in his shoes.

What a little fool I've been. All this while, all these years since I first had a crush.

Hopefully the girl he comes to love will not have to go through what I have. That she will have his concentrated attention and devotion that only she deserves.

Stupid me. I hope I really learn my lesson this time. And I hope I've been a good friend too.

Will my future shoes be like that too?

2009-07-16T21:44:00.003+08:00

Somehow I have been talked into opting for Political Science instead of Japanese Studies.

First it was Shooee, then Mommy, then Shana, then... myself. Haha.

This past week has been a little tumultaneous. If you were Shana you'd know what I mean.

I'll come across the right shoes someday. I know I will. I already have in real life. So metaphorically speaking I know I will too.

The thing is, literally speaking, all my right shoes are expensive. Does that mean that metaphorically speaking, my shoes will be loaded with cash too?

Ahahaha. That would be so interesting. Unless it means I have to invest a lot of cash into it. Now that would NOT be so interesting anymore.

Ah. I think I like walking home at night through the dark carpark. Singing songs to myself, not caring who sees. It's somehow good for my spirit.

I guess meeting Elainey for lunch today was also good for my spirit. Have a safe trip back! And stay flu-free.

The meaning of what happiness is

2009-07-13T19:02:00.004+08:00

I've got my new feeling today. I realized he's just that nice to everybody, and so I'm not writhing with confusion anymore.

Is what I want to think anyway. I refuse to do anything more.

I went back today to see the kids at about 4.20. They were at the playground. I met Xiu Ling today ^.^ It's been so long since I last saw her. She's soo cute!

And if there's one thing I've learnt, it's how to handle G.

"Teacher Jane, I know why you came back today. You came to see Teacher Weiren."

"No, I came back because I missed you so much, G." I'm so brilliant. The little vixen shut her mouth after that. There was this moment of each of us smiling sweetly at each other; I wanted to strangle her, she wanted to call me a liar. But I wasn't lying. Not completely anyway.

And my new feeling is also because I came closer to coming to terms with myself today. I can't draw people close to me or make them open up through friendly talk or looks (only I HAVE been uncannily successful with Sami, but I don't think it's because I'm good); I think I confuse some people because I fluctuate between warm and cold at times.

In short. I am not small, slim, pretty, outgoing, charming, loving or the like. Not on the outside at least.

But that's ok. I have my own way of telling people I love them. And I know kindred spirits, or "the race of Joseph" as Miss Cornelia says, can understand me.

If he can't understand me, then that's alright.

Daylight
See the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading, roses wither away
Like the sunflower I long to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day

I guess it's also because of the chat I had with Sami last night. I think I've settled into a contented, assured friendship with him. It's fresh and encouraging, and puts a smile on my lips.

Thank you Sami, for letting me love you. No matter how silly I was over you. I wish I could tell you, how much I really thank you.

let the memory live again

2009-07-12T20:18:00.004+08:00

Nobody's updating, so I shall.

Skimbleshanks, the railway cat.

Except this one's actually called Tama-chan, and is female. But she's the pretty much the correct colour for Skimbleshanks.

Sami leaves for NS tomorrow. All the best, my friend. May the Lord keep you and reveal Himself to you. I hope we meet again.

As for me, I wish tomorrow were the 20th of June again. Even if it means going through the week that follows.

20th of June. 20th of June.

caterpillar days

2009-07-08T18:48:00.003+08:00

There's something seriously wrong with me.

Why was I so cold today towards someone who was so friendly to me?

Maybe because I must admit she's perfect for him: short, pretty, active, confident and so caring.

But I must seriously get over this, if I'm going to plan the Christmas carolling event well.

Got it. I'll just not include him in the committee. So my personal feelings won't be in the way. But somehow, it seems like they already are.

Oh, to forget everything.

To make a wretch His treasure

2009-06-19T09:55:00.003+08:00

Haven't blogged for a long time, but last night I saw a few things that made me feel I just have to.

We've been getting the slower primary 2 tuition kids down for extra tuition over the past few weeks, but last night there was a p1 kid too. I shall refer to him as SE.

SE: (picks up Weiren's hand)
Weiren: Yes SE? You want to borrow my hand?

We were doing Math last night see, and one person only has 10 fingers altogether. So how does a 7 year old add 8 to 8? Well, here's how.

SE: (nod nod. Picks up other hand as well. Shapes both of Weiren's hands into 4 fingers up. Then puts his own hands into 4 each as well.)

By this time all the p2 and the one p3 were looking. Preparations complete at last, SE begins to count off all the fingers available to him before coming to his conclusion.

SE: 16. (Proceeds to write answer, oblivious that his two teachers are rocking silently with laughter.)

SE must have found that borrowing Teacher Weiren's hands was Still too troublesome, so after that he took off his slippers, put his two feet up on the chair in the way only little children can, and proceeded to use his toes.

Who says he can only count up to 10???? Bwahahaha. SO CUTE!!! XD

Hai. I'm going to miss this life. Not that I regret having a whole month off to enjoy myself (whoots!) but still, though it was only six months it's been as eventful as a whole year in JC.

As Elaine pointed out to me, I started out just tolerating the job, but now I love it.

Yesterday was quite an eventful day, all in all. It was my supervisor's birthday, so I brought flowers, Terence bought a cake, and Weiren played on his guitar ^^ Which he took very seriously >.> But then he's always taking things very seriously. I suppose when I was a green musician I took things very seriously too.

Then I visited two of the students' home with another volunteer and my supervisor. But their mother wasn't in. So we stood outside their house waiting and waiting and ringing the doorbell and calling the home phone but nobody answered. When the two girls finally came to the door, they said it was because daddy told them not to answer the door or phone if mommy wasn't in. -.-

ke ren lai le, mama bu zai jia. So we ignore the ke ren until they go away.

I heard their financial situation wasn't very good, but their home is quite clean, neat and well furnished. I mean, they have a large TV and two huge speakers. Those were probably from better times.

Oh yes, the day before Weiren and I visited another home of two brothers. We were supposed to talk to their grandmother... but she spoke only Hokkien. (Uh oh.)

Weiren only managed to tell her we were the boys' teachers. I just managed to smile. Ahahahha.... And I'm supposed to be the Hokkien one. Oops. But I can only manage to understand Hakka. Don't ask me anything else >.<

Well, that's it for my post today. Except that I'm being very lazy about driving lessons >.< Somehow it's not as fun as before. Maybe because I've found out how terrible Singapore drivers are.

Lol.

P.S. Oh yes, I went back to ACJC with Yok Teng the other day too. Mr Keith Prince is not there anymore!!!! No.... >.< Waaah. He's at River Valley High now. WHY??? MR PRINCE! Anyway, got to meet Mr Woolhead (yay! ^^) and Mdm Tham! And Yokie and I had a good long talk with Mdm Tham. Sigh. They're one of the reasons why I miss AC so much. And I told Mr Woolhead that I'm going to NUS FASS. Hahaha. I received one of the most encouraging responses I have ever had in answer to my FASS future.

Sunny days and Starry nights

2009-06-07T19:02:00.005+08:00

So. I must turn in my writeup for last Monday by tonight.

Problem is, I feel so awkward writing it!

Like, kind of don't know how to start, don't know how to present it, what tone to use...

Kind of embarrassed by my own childishness.

Argh. What's my problem? I never felt that way before. Why can't I trust my own style anymore?

So how to start this.

"It was a blazing day in June, sunny but blessed with pockets of wind. The perfect day for kite making and kite flying."

Hmm. Not so bad. How about:

"25 children defied the temptation to sleep in late on the first day of June; we took them to a kite making workshop part of Kite Festival Singapore."

No no, not so good.

Ah- Weiren has submitted his le. Oh crap >.< Let me see yours...! (Why does he always have to one-up me??)

While we wait for him to send...

Sami is starting his NS in 36 days...

Where did my more than 300 days go? :(

And yet, I don't know what to say to him anymore. Anyway, Maybe it won't be that different anyway. I don't meet him that often anyway.

Sami, Sami... I hate saying goodbye, so I shaln't. I refuse.

Ah well. Not as if you'd feel it anyway. Whatever.

Weiren hurry up. I want your freaking report.

Sniff. I DON'T WANT TIME TO PASS! Got no xin qing to write already. Stupid me.

Let's use the first opening. (How can that vegetarian write so easily in such cold blood??? Waaah.) He's not replying me. Stupid stupid stupid. So much for being reliable. Puuuh. DON'T need your help!

Sunny days, starry nights, lazy afternoons. Suddenly, right before your eyes, the summer fades away. Everything is different, everything changed. I'm change-resistant. Which is a bad quality in this world.

I need to stop listening to sappy songs. Hey, minna, genkikai??? >.<

Ok. I'll be getting it soon. He's not at home. Yuan wang ni le, bao qian. (His smses are full of smileys. Did something happen today to make him so super hyped? >.>)

Saa koishiyo! Deai wa itsumo me no mae ni afurete iru no!

there's no need to complicate

2009-06-03T19:29:00.003+08:00

I just realized my heart and head are very disconnected and very confused.

I am tempted to hereby declare I am not in love with anyone because I just can't figure myself out. But I will not, for various reasons.

I used to think girls who couldn't figure it out were stupid.

So what the hey. I'm stupid.

Janey's heart belongs to God and to herself.

Period.

ever ever after

2009-05-18T12:26:00.004+08:00

Storybook endings, fairytales coming true.

Shana has been writing her latest story. It kind of inspires me to continue with what I've been doing. Seeing how I'll be going to FASS, guess it's the perfect time to enjoy my reading and writing again.

Goodbye Bio, goodbye Chem. It was a fun last two years with you all. Fare you well. At least for now.

I'm kind of excited, but kind of scared too >.< Nice to be young eh? I don't know.

I wonder where Sami has applied to. I miss him. Especially now he's working. When I'm awake, he's asleep. When he wakes up, I'm at work. When I finish work, he's working. When he finishes working, I'm sleeping.

Sigh. Should I drop him an email? But he probably wouldn't reply. Then I'd wriggle with uncertainty. Ah forget it.

Eh?? Somehow everytime I complain about this, I find him online almost immediately. Hmm. Annndddduh, I can't help smiling again. As usual.

Which is nice because I found myself so dead today at work. Think it's PMS. First Jiaying and Angeline and Ameerah poked my poor womb so hard it hurt all the way home till I got a heated blanket over it. Gonna scold them tomorrow.

And and. They did this stupid Chinese paper today. And I felt so stupid. Because for SOME reason I just couldn't remember all my fan yi ci and liang ci and even HOW to write simple words like cake and stationery!

Oh my gosh I'm so stupid. And I even got mixed up with blue and basket! Stupid Stupid STUPID ME!!! And of course Wei Ren got to know about it. I think I caused him a lot of trouble today, because I taught the kids the wrong words.

Ah crrap. And Wei Ren the ex-Chinese High guy OF COURSE had no problems with his Chinese while this poor failure of an ex-NYGH girl just couldn't measure up. And to think I took CHINESE LITERATURE too. And DID NOT fail.

Wow.

ever ever after. If you keep falling for the same guy, is that what love is? Sami Kasperi Lahtinen. Even his name sounds like it comes from a fantasy.

about turn

2009-05-12T10:41:00.005+08:00

Shana and I are both glad that we'll be going to school together again this August. Hope I'm in the same tutorial group as her.

I'm pretty relieved to have finally gotten my results. A little disappointed about medicine, but mainly relieved. It's like setting my mind in focus after a long deluge. Like finally going after being constipated for a long time :D For want of a more appropriate example.

Ahhh. Nick, I get to be a bum! What about you?

Now the hard bit is telling everyone I didn't get it. Sucks man. I hate to have to deal with their reactions.

..........................

So that was when I checked the online results two days ago.

Got my letter from NUS today, from FASS.

SingPost sucks man. They folded my freshman guide. Sucky postman. They always fold our mags, like Nat Geo. Now all my letters and stuff inside are folded. What the hey. Crap service.

So relief is one thing. I feel disappointed. And unreasonably lonely today.

I miss Sami. I miss the short colleague. I miss Elaine. I miss Shooee.

I'm looking forward to meeting Shana and Jamie tomorrow for dinner. It should be a cheering meal.

I am determined NOT to appeal. Because I agreed with God that I shall not force my way in. Although, I've spent so long thinking that it's what I really want to do, it seems a little difficult to change focus now. And I would have liked a chance to try it.

I only hope Nicholas gets in. I shall be doubly disappointed if he doesn't. Somehow if he gets in, it will seem alright in the end.

Go, Nick. Please give me good news.

I shall stew in my own juice for a few days. By next Friday, I shall tell everyone who helped me like Mdm Tham and Jonathan and everyone else who cared, the news.

God help me. I feel like such a let down.

2009-04-29T21:49:00.002+08:00

Looked through some of Shooee's pics of Sydney. Like her obsession over wild cockatoos. And the scenery, which was marvellous. And the "interesting" post box that has a handle to pull (they do, btw Shooee, exist in Singapore as well :) the post box at IMM is liddat too.)

When I see so much of another developed country still so wild, I'm just reminded of how small Singapore really is. I listened to Siow Lee Chin's Songs My Father Taught Me while looking at the pics and it somehow fit at certain parts. Hahaha.

Must admit that I don't quite like the America-composed pieces. Too... American. Sorry. Liked Li Guo-Quan's Fisherman's Song at Sunset best :) I want to learn that next!

If I actually ever finish learning this Liang Zhu thingie >.<

Peee peeep!

2009-04-25T11:17:00.002+08:00

Second lesson today.

I went on the main road!

Ahahahaha. And hit 60km/hr. Feel more confident now. But I realized the car gets more unsteady as it reaches higher speeds.

Thank God I don't have to worry about some lousy clutch pedal! Ahahahahahahahahaaaaa!

Whoots. Quite fun really. Except I think for the first hour or so when I was going round and round on the circuit my instructor was a bit bored. >.>

Meeting Peili jie in church later. Going to make a sample wedding invit card before I meet her.

Vroom vroom!

2009-04-24T17:46:00.005+08:00

Just had my first driving lesson today. It was quite fun after all :) But I kept oversteering and going out of the lane. Hahahhaa. Driving instructor had to keep correcting my steering. (I had a female driving instructor!) Lol. I'm surprised there haven't been any accidents yet.

Sigh. Got a bit heated up today with the kids. Haish. Screamed at one and sent two out to stand in the hall. Somehow I'm not as patient or cheerful as usual. I think it's that time of the month. Janey, you're stronger than that! Come on.

But it's Friday, so it's a good day :) And tomorrow I'll spend it baking! Yay. Realized most of my Sec 1 class don't eat dinner, so I shall bake cookies for them :) And for Shana, for coming down on Thursday night to help out. Thank you dear!

Just when I thought life was pretty easy, it turned out pretty tough after all. Like when you want to love someone but can't. Not even do something for them, not even ask them about their day.

bento at last

2009-04-20T19:59:00.004+08:00

So I won't hesitate no more

No more, it cannot wait

I'm yours!

School has started for my poly friends. I'm starting to get a bit nervous about August too. Thank goodness experience tells me God is looking after me.

Hmm. Has anyone been contacted by Yong Loo Lin yet?

I think my psc application pao tang le. Must be because I submitted my part 3 too late :P Must say I'm not too disappointed over missing the experience of facing 20 interviewers in a large board room behind a long marble table.

Anyway. I know people are busy when they start school, but surely one could at least reply an sms right? I don't know, maybe the handphone got lost, or the message just wasn't worth replying.

Whatever. Why do I even try.

Because see, NO, I do NOT understand what is going on. It's probably all been one huge joke, and it feels good to see it that way. Because, see, if it wasn't a joke then I do NOT know what is going on. So there'd better be a good explanation. But who wants to know. Not me.

Sheesh. What the hey. As far as I'm concerned sayonara already happened.

But you sometimes the desire to hear "I'm yours" just strikes every girl once in a while and overrides all logic. Which is why Jason Mraz's song made it.

Shooee went to Aussie but should be back by now... we have a practice and test tomorrow at the driving school. It'll be nice to have lunch with her again :)

I wonder how Elainey is doing with her schoolwork. I can't help her anymore or reach out to her anymore, but I suppose that is to be expected. Maybe after school starts... will that break the wall between us?

And and. I bought a beautiful bento box on Sunday! XD Whoots! Can't wait to use it. Here's a pic of it:

Yes, I'm sorry, it's sideways. Tilt your head to the left please.

The maki on the cover and sides

The maki on the back.

I paid $159 for the box, but it turned out to be a good deal after all, because when my Dad (who loves bento boxes) realized that I had bought one, he gave me one! Hahaha.

Three conditions:

1) Keep wrapped

2) Keep in cupboard

3) Strictly no using

Darn. Mom says she would have just returned the box if it had been her. Lol. It is an antique after all.

Cats

2009-04-18T12:05:00.003+08:00

Went to watch CATS with Anni yesterday.

Was it a blast! The lighting, the dancing, the sets, the costumes, the singing, the acting, all FANTASTIC!

I wanna watch again!!!

Plus I had a rather good seat at Circle 1, near the middle.

The sets were so extravagant, yet not messy. The actors really acted like cats. And they came up to the audience seats during the intermission to sit on people's laps, meow at people and paw at people's glasses. They really, really looked like large cats. Especially the performance after mcavity's appearance and this pop-star-attitude cat was using a single spot light to make shadows as he told the story of the next cat. His shadow really looked like a cat.

Ah, I want to watch again!

And there were stoke lights and even small fireworks during the appearance of Mr Mistopheles. The fireworks exploded with smoke rings too. :D

I don't know if I should call the actors dancers, or singers, or acrobats. Because they were everything in one. I guess most of them had ballet training. And people who are good at something can do pretty much everything related to it.

And it was quite comical at times, especially with the aforementioned pop-star-att cat. What was his name again? All the female cats fawning over him was really hilarious.

Uwaaaah >.< Who wants to sponsor me another $150 to watch?

Hahaha. I wonder if I can buy a recording of it. Probably not. Nya >.<

Unfortunately, I can't put up pics of the set and actors during the intermission, because STEWPID me forgot to bring my camera. And the lighting was too dim for my handphone cam. Rargh!

My only complain is that "Memory" was sung a bit too fast for my liking. But it was a good rendition all the same, just not as powerful or as emotional as the recording I have.

As I watched Cats the one thought that kept coming back to me was why a certain friend of mine has chosen to do medicine. Because I could so clearly see him as one of those actors charming and amazing the audience.